Only 4 more years to go And BTW the mean rich and celebs are migrating to Russia these days to pay less tax. Let's hope they have got their fur coats ready. Eh Mr Depardieu-ski
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
More Funny Quotes America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Italian proverb Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~ Betsy Salkind The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. ~ Jeff Foxworthy When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ WH Auden In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. ~ Jonathan Katz If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. ~ Arthur C Clarke Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~ Steve Martin Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy Durante As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat? ~ Steven Wright America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ Doug Hamwell The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~ George Roberts If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~ Jonathan Winters I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley
Just got back from Chinese vacation. Had dinner at a well to do's house. They even got out the good America to eat on.
Not Really Funny, Just Beautiful <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/BUOQ_yPW_0s?feature=player_popout" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
My friend just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?" I said, "Those happy women in Tampon advertisements."