"What? You married her?" "Uhmnnn, well yea." " I took a friend's advice and after a one night stand I gave her a fake number. It didn't work though she knew what all of the numbers looked like."
I'm sorry... We all have an Aunt Helen........ <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QfexXf-gAWo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
If I could go back in time, sure i'd try to kill Hitler, but first i'd have an ice cold coca cola classic. (sponsored joke)
Sometimes it feels like my girlfriends pussy is being held hostage by a crazy bitch, and my mission in life is to rescue it so we can be together...
My new girfriend gave me a 30 second blow job last night: "That was great" I said, "I just wish it was longer." She said, "me too, my nose is killing."
Happy New Year Everybody! In the coming New Year, 2013, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day. This is an ironic juxtaposition of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication. The other involves a groundhog.