This Is Fun <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sKns1uatyNg?feature=player_popout" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
My air guitar face and my orgasm face are the same... when I make them there is nobody around to see.
Farmer Ollie's Decision A Minnesota farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus: 'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?" Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... ' 'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road.... ' The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ' By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olieâs answer and said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'. Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch. By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat,, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her and saw her condition, he said something to her, waited a moment or three and then took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes. Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How're YOU feelin'?' 'Now, Sir, wot da heck vud YOU say?'
Maxine's Latest Questions Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?' What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G ?