Had a bit of a scare in bed this morning. My "date" was regaining consciousness... It'll be two roofies for the big girls next time.
Nutmeg's typical weekend (as documented by store video and police reports): 1. He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 5. Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 7. When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 8. Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 10. Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 11. Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 12. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 13. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? 14. Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' One of the clerks passed out.
I'll never forget those Obama voters during the campaign. Romney was making a speech and said "I'd like to take this opportunity...." And the Obama hecklers started yelling "he's trying to take our opportunity! Get him!"
A few Obamaphone facts: Chris Matthews ♥s the ObamaPhone vibrator mode. The Fluke model ObamaPhone includes free phone sex. Acorn ObamaPhones are registered in fake names. ObamaPhone skins are very thin. ObamaPhone redistributes your rollover minutes. When ObamaPhone drops a call it blames BushPhone. ObamaPhone will never be a smartphone. ObamaPhone has the unemployment office on speed dial. ObamaPhone never works between 9am and 5pm. ObamaPhone comes with a tiny teleprompter. The only game on the ObamaPhone is golf. Banks get a trillion free minutes on ObamaPhone. ObamaPhone's map app covers all 57 states. ObamaPhone's map app is missing Jerusalem. ObamaPhone blocks calls from taxpayers. The ObamaPhone cursor always points to Mecca. ObamaPhone's come in wind or solar powered. ObamaPhone is only available with a four year plan. ObamaPhone's navigation system always turns left. An ObamaCare app installs without your permission. The ObamaPhone was made in <s>Kenya</s>Hawaii.