I was working as a waiter in this one diner when Nutmeg walked in. "Last time I was here, the chicken was old and stringy," he said. "I want fresh young chicken." "Well Nutmeg," I said. "Shouldn't you order eggs instead?"
We put our kids to sleep by tossing them in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work
took a girl out for a meal the other night. We both studied the menu. "What would you like?" I asked "Oh, I guess I'll have filet mignon." "Guess again." I said.
Add chicken in front of any Italian surname and it sounds like a great dish.. Chicken Quasimodo Chicken vaffanculo Chicken iglio di una mignotta Chicken coglione Chicken testa di cazzo so on so forth...
Today's Stock Market Report Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market...
"But, now the Republican nominee appears to be trailing President Barack Obama among a traditionally conservative constituency: NASCAR fans." "Obama leads Romney 49 to 42 percent among NASCAR enthusiasts, according to a new Zogby poll by JZ Analytics." This is too f'n funny..... I'll be back...............
Why there are no black nascar drivers # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving. # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat. # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music. # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time. # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr. # 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race. # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho. # 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition. # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run. AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR... # 1 - They Can't wear their helmets sideways.