Jokes 2

Guy on a plane leans over the the woman seated next to him.

"Hey, Lady. Can I smell your pussy?"

"Absolutely not!!!"

"Must be your feet, then."

 

This is both true and funny!

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases:

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was a human on this Earth.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were Living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no human walked on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate the government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division... Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Of course, we all love New Orleans and sympathize with the victims of the disaster there. But, this is an interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you Each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family Gets $2,066,012.

Are all the calculators in Washington, D.C broken?? Where will this money come from? Oh, yes, I remember... OK, here goes... join me please!

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"
And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!

 

I do what I can to keep the traders smiling, LOL. You're right, if we take things to seriously in this business it can really affect your bottom line.

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I know you guys have seen this before, but still one of my favorites...and it's FED DAY today.


Don

 

This Is Fun

Nice singing video clip, Don. Here's one that's a bit closer to my own mental wavelengths: http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=2763

 

A lady on a bus leans over to the man seated next to her.

"Hey, mister. Would you like to pet my pussy?"

"Yeah, but first get that cat off your lap"

 

and here, for those who love this as much as I do, are the lyrics of the Jambalaya song that Clarence wrote and Williams sang:

Good-bye Joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh
Me gotta go pole the pirogue down the bayou
My Yvonne, the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

(Chorus)
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file' gumbo
'Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Thibodeaux, Fontainenot, the place is buzzin’
Kinfolk come to see Yvonne by the dozen
Dress in style and go hog wild, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

(Chorus)
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file' gumbo
'Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

Settle down, far from town, get me a pirogue
And I’ll catch all the fish in the bayou
Swap my mon to buy Yvonne what she need-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

(Chorus)
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file' gumbo
'Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou...

 

That song was playing on the jute box in the student lounge on my first day of college. 1952.

 

Early 1952 they brought me as a tiny baby over from Athens, Greece to live in Watertown, New York

 

My God. What could you possible have done at that age to be sent to Watertown?

Watertown, NY. Three Seasons Winter, almost Winter, and Winter.

It's so cold in Watertown, NY, that....................................

 

When I was 16, I ran away to go and see the Grand Ole Opry. My mother still talks about that. Went and seen Johnny Cash, stayed at the Sam Davis hotel for a week and took the bus back. I called two days after I left to tell them where I went and my sister answered and said "Daddy put all your clothes on the porch" Yikes!!!

Btw I really enjoyed the video Yannis, real footstomping music.

ppss stay tuned someday I'll tell you the story about going to Mickey Gilleys in Houston back in the Urban Cowboy days. EEhhhaaawwwwwwww

Round and around with the cotton eyed joe.