Jokes 2

Good Old Buddy Hackett

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An atheist walks into a bar and sees there is no bartender.

So, he does a little freethinking and decides it's only a room.


lol, dumb atheists.

 

How do you describe a schizo atheist?

A man who is at two with the universe.

 

I just don't want to see any menstruation jokes, period.

 

Since everyone on this site is writing books you gave me a good idea.
I'm going to start up a new magazine all about menstruation, Its called "The Monthly Monthly"

 

Little Akio

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Now, who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"

Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

"Excellent!" said the teacher, continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult.
Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your
country'?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air, and he said: " John F. Kennedy, 1961."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves! Little Akio isn't even from this country, and he knows more about our history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs."

"Who said that!?! I want to know right now!” she angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! Now who said that?"

Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck THIS!"

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost mob hysteria, someone yells, "You little shit! If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, We're screwed!"

Little Akio said quietly, "The American people, November 4, 2008"

 

Remember Carol Burnett And Friends?

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I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching... my car into reverse and driving away from the accident....

 

President Washington couldn't tell a lie, President Clinton couldn't tell the truth, and President Obama can't tell the difference.