My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it. "Nice car," I said as he got out. "Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks, "Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year."
"How did you make your millions?" the reporter asked the wealthy industrialist. "Well, many years ago, after my parents died, I was thrown out of school, wasted my money on alcohol, and ended up homeless and peniless. But, one morning, I found a dollar on the street. With that I bought ten packs of gum, which I resold for 15% profit. Day in and day out I repeated this operation while eating at soup kitchens and sleeping in shelters. In a month I had tripled my original capital, and in six months I had more than $25 in my pocket..." "Then? What happened then?" "Well, then, ..., my rich uncle died..."
A man and his wife, moved back home to West Virginia, from Ohio. The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio cost them $2000 per year! When they arrived in West Virginia, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said: "$39." The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in West Virginia to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Ohio! The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39... You just have to know how to describe it!
On the way to work...... My boss..... "I must look really sexy in my new convertible BMW." "Loads of other motorists have signalled that they plan on having a wank later."
A Letter to the Coach Dear Coach Sandusky, I've heard a lot about you and I can't wait 'till you're my new cellmate and we can shower together. I've attached my picture. Hope you're as excited as I am. Love and XOXO Leroy Johnson This is an adult oriented joke, so do not open if easily offended, or with little ones present and viewing the computer.
It was really hard when my mother in law passed away. "I'm not in the mood for sex right now you inconsiderate jerk" said the wife.
I bumped into the wife, 30 years after I walked out on her. She yelled "YOU BASTARD! You said "Close your eyes, I'll show you a trick!" " I replied "Ta-da!"