I did double my morning exercise this morning... I'll tell ya, I gotta stop forgetting things upstairs
I wrote to my Greek bank manager to withdraw my millions. He wrote back. said he had never heard of me but could he sell me a nice holiday. Lucky I read the small print "bring some gold to pay for it"
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 oâclock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man âHoly Shit. That must be my husband!â So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, âI AM your husband!â The woman yelled back, âYeah, then why were you running?â
"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two in the hotel room. "No thank you." I replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked. "Yeah! That's a good idea." I said. "Please bring up a postcard."
When I was younger, I had totaled my second car, my dad came in to comfort me, "Son, don't worry about it, I crashed around 30 times in the space of 9 months when i was younger, funnily enough, it was when your mother was pregnant with you."
Must see... dog snatches lit firework http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=J6PjQQtE9tM
My neighbour tried to sell me his bulldog. But I was a little unsure when he told me that sometimes he suffers from chronic diarrhea. Anyway, I bought the dog and told him to see a doctor.
My girlfriend bought a Home Pregnancy Test at the Dollar Store. The instructions said: "If you bought your condoms here...Congratulations...you're pregnant."