Obama approves gay marriage: "I don't understand why people are against gay marriage. Their main argument is that it's tearing away at our social fabric. You really think gays would do anything to harm fabric? "
The coast gaurd was patrolling the coast of california. Suddenly they see a small boat with 2 mexicans. They ask the 2 guys, "¿Qué hora es" (oops, that's from a different joke) They ask the 2 guys "What are you doing!?" The mexicans answer: "We're going to invade California!" Coast Gaurd captain: "Hah, just the 2 of you?" Mexicans : "No, we're the last ones. All the others are already there."
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WckCw_-7e3M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> Yeah yeah yeah I know I posted this one before, classic though to a guy like me with six weeks of spanish in the 3rd grade
Twitter - The RMS Titanic has reportedly sunk in the Atlantic Ocean. Nobody knows for sure what caused the accident yet, but talks are already in the works for a major motion picture. UPDATE: The boat is still sunk. No word on what caused it. We will keep you updated. ------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ More tweets Oh, no, this is horrible. My prayers are with the victims.âJesussaves -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did we catch any German saboteurs at the scene, or did they all get away?âTinhatrocks -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a boat sink once, and it turned out to be because I was drunk, and I flipped it over trying to show off. Has there been an investigation into whether the captain was drunk and flipped over the boat? There were many pretty women on the boat. Iâm sure this is what happened.âFrancesco Schettino --------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway... Nutmeg ----------------------------------------------------------- What the fuck do you mean we're sinking? - DickFuld ----------------------------------------------------
Rabbi's Sermon A Rabbi arrived at a Shul to give a speech. He sat and waited silently. The congregation sat patiently waiting for the Rabbi to begin. The Rabbi continues to sit quietly. Fed up waiting, the Shamus approaches the Rabbi. "Rabbi, why are you waiting? Please start your speech". The Rabbi points to his mouth and whispers to him "I left my false teeth at home". The Shamus takes the Rabbi's keys and runs to the Rabbi's house, returning shortly with the false teeth. The Rabbi starts speaking. He talks and talks. It is getting late, everyone wants him to finish. They want to go home, but the Rabbi keeps on talking. The Shamus approaches the Rabbi and asked politely, "Rabbi, why do you talk so much..."? The Rabbi answered: "You brought my wife's teeth".
My girlfriend was screaming at me. "Leave!! Get out this house!" she ordered. As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!" So I turned around and replied, "Wait, so you want me to stay?"
Since the beginning of time women have said child birth is more painful than a kick to the testicles. Here is proof they are wrong. A year or two after giving birth you will often hear a woman say they'd like to have another kid. You will never hear a man say, I could really go for another kick in the nut's.
Last evening my wife was having a glass of wine and said, I don't know how I could make it without you. I said, is that you or the wine talking? She said, it's me talking to the wine.
John Travolta has been accused by two male masseurs of suggestive comments during a massage session. It bought a tear to my eye when I heard that. I just love a Hollywood story with a happy ending. Ahahahaha.... hahahahaha....