Jokes 2

We need a joke for our resident pilot.





As I boarded the plane, I thought to myself,

'I should have paid more attention in woodworking at school'

 

I remember at school when I spilled some sawdust.


The Janitor had to come along and be sick on it.

 

I want a rich, intelligent, fit and educated wife.

Not sure if I can go through 4 marriages though.

 

Especially to four dog ugly women. Yikes!

 

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

 

This is what I texted my wife after she texted me "anything I can do to spice things up in the bedroom? x"

Liposuction
Tummy Tuck
Eye Bag Removal
Facelift
Nose Reshape
Ear Correction
Chin Implants
Lip Implants
Breast Uplift
Take a bath
Shave moustache
Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation
Stop talking like a Frog

Stay tuned....

 

You Guys All Need A Long Vacation

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My wife's breast implants burst while in the shower the other day leaking industrial grade silicon, luckily she had a pierced nipple and I managed to seal around the toilet and sink.

 

I won't tell...my lips are sealed.

 

My mother is always complaining how no one ever calls her.

So I put a bumper sticker on her car that said, "How's my driving?" with her telephone number on it

....now it pretty much rings off the hook.