Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Gave my Girl a vibrator for Christmas. She chipped a tooth.
     
    #10231     Feb 8, 2012
  2. J Ski

    J Ski

    Warning: Scam Against Older Men ____________

    Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and
    in dark car parks etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted
    to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

    A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Home Depot, Whole Foods,
    or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

    Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
    Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be
    naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

    Here's how the scam works:
    Two nice-looking, university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you
    are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your
    windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their
    skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer
    them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

    You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.
    Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your
    wallet.

    I have had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,
    20th, 24th, & 29th. Also December 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th
    & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend. (We have been away most
    of January)
    So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us
    older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

    K-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99c at
    the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

    Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just
    running back and forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.
    So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be
    on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around
    4:30 in the afternoon.)
    Please take this very seriously and pass it on.
     
    #10232     Feb 9, 2012
  3. <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SXzgn2g_W-A" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
    #10233     Feb 9, 2012
  4. I won $500 on a radio competition this morning.

    The DJ called me and said, "We are going live in a few seconds, I'm going to ask you what you're going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air."

    "Okay" I replied.

    He said, "3...2....1..... Congratulations to Nutmeg, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the money on?"

    I said, "I'm going to spend it on air."
     
    #10234     Feb 9, 2012
  5. Whoa !!!!

    'Open Mike Night' has a whole new meaning in gay bars..
     
    #10235     Feb 9, 2012
  6. I remember 8th grade:


    As I walked into class, my sex ed teacher said to me "You're late"!

    For a moment I thought I was fucked, but then I remembered I'm not a girl.
     
    #10236     Feb 9, 2012
  7. Vote YOUR Pocket-Book (or for some, they'll do it for you). . . .
     
    #10237     Feb 10, 2012
  8. This must have been Nutmeg as a student:

    My Favorite Animal
    Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
    She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
    My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I ...do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

    Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

    The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

    She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

    Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
    Guess where I am now...
     
    #10238     Feb 10, 2012
  9. Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

    :D :D :D
     
    #10239     Feb 10, 2012
  10. [​IMG]
     
    #10240     Feb 11, 2012