Jokes 2

Hail The Chief

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The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They asked, "Is this your wife, sir?"

Shocked, I answered, "Yes, that's her."

They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident."

I said "I know, but she has a lovely personality..."

 

The officer said, "Well this is the card of my brother-in-law. He's a great plastic surgeon".

 

"Wonderful!" . "What can you do?"

"Well," said the surgeon, "I could graft on a tail."

 

"It will go really well with the horns".

 

This one is funny...!!!!!!

For just $3700 dollar a day you can sponsor a CEO.


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Just remember that as one door closes, another one opens.

Unless you're on a balcony..... then you're in deep shit.

 

I Would Have Given Him 100%

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page.
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid.
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage.
Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams.
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner.
Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half.
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet.
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands.
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

 

Two hunters hire a moose costume in the hope they can get close enough to a bull moose to kill it. They creep up on a huge bull moose but find that the zip has stuck. Suddenly there’s a loud bellow and the hunter in the front of the costume sees that the bull moose is approaching them with a huge erection. “What are we going to do now ?” asks the hunter in the back of the costume ? ” I’m going to pretend to be nibbling a bit of grass “, replies the other “ but you had better brace yourself.”

 

Wife "My gynecolgist told me no sex for 2 weeks."

Me "What did your dentist say?"