"...I went to see my girlfriend's parents today on the eve of our Mormon wedding. "So?" Her father whispered with a nudge. "Are you going to do it tonight and be a man, or put it off until tomorrow and be a mouse?" "I'm a rat" I replied. "I did it last night and the wedding's off."
I think of David Ferehty as an Irish Robin Williams, who was a professional golfer, now a TV commentator for Golf Channel & has his own show. The stuff that just rolls off of his lips is so funny that for a few years they wouldnât even let him do the Masters coverage for fear he would offend the Masters Committee. ENJOY! On a possible injury to Rory McElroy -- âFortunately, Rory is only 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.â âThat ball is so far left, Lassie couldnât find it if it was wrapped in bacon.â âI am sorry Nick Faldo couldnât be here this week. He is busy attending the birth of his next wife.â On Jim Furykâs swing -- âIt looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.â On Luke Donald's recent success -- âHeâs a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx card between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.â Describing VJ Singh's prodigious practice regime -- "VJ hits more balls than Elton John's chin." "That was a great shot -- if they'd put the pin there today." "All you need for a happy life is good health and a bad memory." Describing a player's tee shot -- "Everything moves except his bowels." "Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff."
Dear diary, Today I had sex for the very first time. Too late to get into details, but I will most likely see more nights of action in my future. Will keep you posted, Day count in prison: 1.
Dear Diary, Things are really bad at school. I'm being bullied even more than before. They call me names. I don't know if I can carry on. The only person I can talk to is you. Love Nutmeg --------- Dear Nutmeg Don't fucking contact me again. From Diary