A man walks into a casino, and sits down at the poker table. As the bets are beginning to be taken, the man suddenly notices two cows, smoking weed in the corner. He abruptly stands up and starts to leave, another player says "Hey man, where are you going, we've just started!" The man turns around to him and says "Sorry sir, I don't play when the steaks are high"
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome, Now I understand why they call you handsome.
A teacher asks a Blond girl to use "Handsome" in a sentence. She says, "When I'm suckin dick, and my jaw gets sore I use my handsome times."
I said to my girlfriend '' Why don't you ever tell me when you orgasm?'' She Replied ''I Don't like to bother you at work!''
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days
I'm warning ya...this one is funny. What does a Chinese man with one leg and a car have in common? Both rely on a clutch to go anywhere.
As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought.. "Just throw the fucking thing."
I'm warning ya..this one is very funny... I took my blonde girlfriend to the library today and she asked the old women behind the counter "I've never been here before. What books do you suggest?". The old frail women looked at my wife with a smile and said "Do you have any preferences?". I won't be visiting the library again after my girlfriend replied "I'm not here for a fucking job". Ahahahhahaa.. get it???
Grandpa, with a grandchild on one knee, with another grandson on the other knee begins to tell them of his youth: - Well my dears, you see that rifle? I was hunting with it. At one point I see a HUGE boar. I aim, pull the trigger and shot it down. Being so large I couldn't carry it, so I took the knife, I cut a leg put it on my shoulder and went on. Suddenly in front of me another boar appears, ENORMOUS. I could not help it. I aim, shoot and bring him down also. Took the knife and cut one of it's legs, because I couldn't carry him, and put it on my other shoulder ... (Grandmother comes in) - "Grandpa you've taken your pills?" The grandfather goes to take his pills and returns to his grandchildren: - So my dears, where were we? - "You put one leg over one shoulder, one on the other ..." - Hmmm, ahh yesss, one leg on one shoulder, one leg on the other ... I grabbed her ass and fucked her till morning ...