@lawrence-lugar has gained a newfound confidence since he lost his virginity. It appears he is still a little sore. Either that or he is practicing his gunslinger stance.
LL: This trading journal has taken a turn for the worse. JR: How so? LL: You seem obsessed with me! JR: You have star power! The it factor. Btw, nice score on that chick that looks like Gisele. LL: I do celebrity look alikes. Tom Brady, Alex Jones, Joe Rogan and George Jefferson. JR: Quite the repertoire! You are bigger than I imagined. Why do you suppose the Dominicans refer to you as a Twink? LL: It must be the twinkle in my eye! JR: No doubt. Speaking of that. How tramautic was yout trip? LL: No, not at all. I have been using a butt plug, anal beads and a modified vibrator for years. JR: Is that how you maintain the fountain of youth? LL: That and the black tea enemas. I am intentionally celibate. But you never know when you might be anally raped! JR: I guess your anus does smell like flowers. LL: This interview is spiraling fast. JR: I can only hope! What happened to your twittrr feed? LL: Twitter feed? Wasn't me! JR: Okay. I do want to encourage everyone at ET to google @lawrence-lugar. LL: Why? JR: Because you are kind of a dick!! Real people have real money on the line and you don't know someone's state of mind. LL: Did I hurt your ferlings? JR: Nope. But I certainly aim to harass you until they shut down my account! Either that or you follow the example set by Judge Harry Lee Coe!
I just received a DM from Wilfredo, claiming to be a relative of @lawrence-lugar, and he told me to lay off his kin folk. Then ... I found this! Folks, the panty caper is beginning to make sense as well as the vibrator purchase. More details to follow. I called Alex Jones and according to infowars Larry Sugar has multiple aliases/gender identities. This case is getting interesting!
@lawrence-lugar has been a hit on the Johnny Rock show. My producers have been trying to book him on the show but it appears his celebrity look alike business is really taking off. To be honest, this is a low budget program and we can no longer meet his demands. However, we were able to make contact with Wilfredo who will only identify himself as a concerned family member. JR: Wilfredo, thank you for appearing on our show. WL: Your welcome. Thank you for the opportunity to set the record straight. JR: The floor is yours. WL: We will see how long that lasts! JR: Is snarkiness hereditary? WL: I believe so. However, often times it is the result of bullying! So don't try to bully me Johnny Rock! JR: I prefer to be addressed as the Homeless Sam Elliot. WL: Let me start from the beginning. Larry grew up in a wealthy neighborhood in San Diego. He had a lot of friends and he was quite popular in grade school. The other boys became quite jealous of Larry when he reached puberty. JR: I have heard the rumors! Were they jealous of The Big Gulch? WR: Not yet, anyway. Larry is a grower and not a show-er, so when it comes to the schoolyard pecking order based on the size of your pecker, Larry was an easy target. JR: I am sorry to hear that. What happened? WL: The other kids nicknamed the kid Lawrence of A-LABIA! JR: Ouch. That must of been a rough time for the kid. WL: It was at first. My wife and I sat Larry down and had him watch the movie starring Peter O'Toole. We convinced the kid that he looked like the actor, thus the nickname. Larry is a smart kid but we thought it better to put a positive spin on the situation. Lately, we have been bemoaning that tactic. JR; Let me guess, the panty caper? WL: Yep. The kid had T-shirts printed and set up a booth at the football games. He made a lot of money selling Lawrence of A-LABIA shirts but when he started selling panty key chains he was suspended from school. JR: Did the kids tag him with any other nicknames? WL: Lex Lugar, Lawrence Lougie and twink. JR: Lawrence of A-LABIA was the one that stuck? WL: It stuck for quite a while. At least until he tried out for the basketball team. JR: What happened? WL: Well, the kid was in the shower and his little button started to twitch and pulsate. JR: Oh no! Little Larry was getting hard in the shower? WL: You have to remember. This was Junior High and the basketball team was primarily black kids. JR: At least we know he isn't racist. WL: No doubt. The poor kid popped wood. To be perfectly frank, in any other situation it would have been impressive. JR: Is that when they nicknamed him The Big Gulch? WL: Nope. That's a 12 inch sandwich that was made in his honor at The Trader's Bar. JR: I tried that sandwich but couldn't handle it! WL: Most people can't take the whole thing. I think that is why he is celibate? JR: Because his cock is too large? I know a couple of women who would sure give it the old college try. WL: That's not what I meant. When Larry got hard in the shower those brothers gave him the moniker Larry Sugar. JR: Thanks for dropping by Wilfredo. The insight you have given us into the mind of a trader with warrior instincts has been invaluable. Any advice for our listeners today? WL: Fuck your listeners! Most would be better off if they quit trading!! JR: Damn, the fruit definitely didn't fall far from the tree. The Lugar family is all about tough love, for sure. Thanks for stopping by Wilfredo. Have fun on BeeJay Avenue! WL: You are a bigger dick than I expected!! [CLICK] ... [DIAL TONE]
"OK... we're back from the break. Now dig up folks...I told you we had a special surprise for today's show... and the engineer is giving me the thumbs up". JR: Vanz! My How the fuck are ya? VZ: Can't complain Johnny. Makin' money hand over foot in the markets. How are you? JR: I'm greeat Vanz! VZ: Yeah... you're Tony the f'n tiger. But for real.... I've seen the ratings.... they're thru the roof. JR: I know. Its all Sugar babe.... the fans love him. VZ: I feel ya bro. I'm a long time fan of @lawrence-lugar myself. He's a legend. JR: How long have you known Sugar, Vanz? VZ: Since before he was Sugar. JR: High school? VZ: Yeah I did his mom. JR: Get the f out! VZ: I sh*t you not. JR: Damn. How old are you VZ? VZ: I prefer not to say on air.... but lets just say momma Sugar could have went to prison. JR: Reeally?! I never got the chance to meet her. VZ: She's still around. Rents one of those nasty per/month motel rooms off the strip in Vegas. JR: You still see her? VZ: Come on Johnny... that was 30 years ago.... gimmee a break bro. JR: Was she at least good lookin back then? VZ: No, not really. I mean she wasn't bad... but me and my buds were competing to see who could do the most MILF's in one summer. I took 3rd place. JR: Out of how many? VZ: I dunno Johnny.... maybe 5 of us. We all tagged her though. JR: Where was Sugar? VZ: He was there... in his crib. JR: You think that explains anything? His lactating woman fetish maybe? VZ: Whaaat?? JR: Yeah. Its all over his website. Check it out. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/wallstreetboy-lawrence-lugar.13067/ VZ: WTF Johnny?! Is that for real? JR: Yep. Pretty strange ain't it? VZ: Faahck. I hope that wasn't because of me. JR: Might have been. You and your buds taggin his mom all summer. VZ: Can we change the subject? JR: Hold on. I'm on to something here. This could explain Sugar's bizarre behavior at Walmart. VZ: Its wasn't me Johnny. If anything it was because she used to bitch-slap him around the crib. I don't think you should hit toddlers in the head. JR: She hit him? VZ: Lol. She used to drop him on his head to get get him to shut the f up. JR: This is good stuff Vanz. Dropped him on his head? From how high? VZ: I don't know, she wasn't very tall. 3 or four feet maybe. JR: On carpet right? VZ: No. It was fuckin linoleum. JR: OMG. Poor Sugar. VZ: Yeah. Now can we change the subject? JR: OK Vanz... we'll get back to this later. But I sure hope that statue of limitations has run out on that. You may have just sent her to prison. VZ: Its "statute" Johnny... and I think it has. Plus I'm sure she's doin' a few cops from Clarke County anyway... they keep her in that free tweek. Now can we change the subject? JR: Sure Vanz. Whats goin' on in the markets? VZ: Ahh, you know. Some days up, some days down. There's nothin' new under the sun. JR: You into Bitcoin? VZ: F no! Not smart enough. Not stupid enough either. Chew on that for a second Johnny. JR: I feel ya. VZ: Well, I gotta dip out brother... 2PM on Friday... gotta get me a quick two-bagger. JR: Vegas? VZ Shut the f up Johnny. You know damn well I mean buyin' a few TSLA calls. I have (5) of the $300's. They expire in an hour for $1.... they'll double. JR: You are good Vanz, I'll give ya that. VZ. Hey, its part art part science. JR: I've heard that before. VZ: Don't even go there Johnny. I gotta bolt. JR: Haha. Thats cool VZ. Stop by next week. VZ: We'll see. Give my love to Sugar. JR: We'll do. Peace Vanz. VZ: Ditto.
Luckily, my producer was able to track down Choo Choo Lugar. JR: Choo Choo, before we begin, I just want to let you know the statue of limitations is up. Feel free to speak freely. CC: Statute or statue? JR: Statue of limitations. CC: Maybe we are saying the same thing. Please, use statute in a sentence. JR: The French blessed the USA with the Statute of Liberty as a celebration of our welcoming arms for the downtrodden. CC: God you are an idiot. Little Larry was right! JR: Once again I am not sure what just happened. The purpose of our show is to delve into the mind of a take no prisoners trader. Tell me about Larry. What makes him tick? CC: It all started with his Father, the OG, a dreamy man from Cuba. JR: Was Fredo an original gangster? CC: No! The Original Gulch. 12 inches of Desi Arnes Goodness. And I was Lucy Loo if you know what I mean? JR: I have no idea, actually. CC: One more time for slow learners. He used to beat my Asian pussy up! JR: A Cuban father. An Asian mother. Isn't Lugar of Scottish or Welsh descent? CC: Like many immigrants Fredo shortened his last name so he could get credit and government contracts. Formerly Lugarito, my Sugarito! JR: Fair enough. What type of business? CC: We first opened a Cuban cafe, but in San Diego, there wasn't that big of a market for Cafe Con Leche. JR: I love me some Cafe Con Leche. Milk is the secret ingredient, right? CC: It's not a secret. We are big fans of milk around our house! JR: So I have heard. How long did you breast feed little Larry? CC: I will let you know when I stop! Anyway, Fredo opened a nightclub and Larry's older brother was in High School. He was an agent for a High School Band. JR: Quite the entrepreneur. CC: Well, it didn't work out and you could say that's my fault! JR: Wasn't the band any good? CC: Oh, the band became quite famous. I still have dreams about Vanz. His nickname was Vanz the Kickstand. JR: My Lord. You have been spoiled! Can I ask you about the conductors hat you are wearing? Do you work for the railroad? CC: Vanz, the Kickstand, gave me this as a consolation prize. Choo Choo!! JR: One more time for slow learners? I am not sure I understand how you broke up the band? CC: The band survived. It was my eldest Son who walked in on us. JR: You and Vanz? CC: Me, Vanz, and Little Larry! JR: Wow! You took that like a champ! But I still don't understand how this affected Larry and made him such a focused options trader. Please, explain. CC: Look, I saw your TSLA pick and your war prediction. I doubt you understand too much about becoming a successful trader. JR: Agreed! Don't let my audience suffer. What happened? How did it affect Larry? CC: Normally, Vanz the Kickstand would have me bent over from behind. He could go a long time, so while the others were waiting I would do a ski pole in each hand and alternate BJ's with the other two. JR: Wow! You are a trooper. I am beginning to see where Larry's single minded focus and a predilection to help others comes from. Most women would simply make the others wait for the train to reach their stop. CC: Like I always say, ALL ABOARD! JR: This is fascinating! Please, continue. CC: On this particular day Vanz dropped by to give me this conductors hat as a token of what the PTA moms still refer to as the sensuous summer. It was just the three of us. JR: You, the Kickstand and Fredo? CC: Nope. Me Little Larry and Vanz. Anyway, Vanz was nailing me from behind. The lineoleum floor was shaking and we woke Larry up. JR: My God! And ... CC: I was cradling Larry as I was being pounded from behind, rocking him back to sleep. Then ... It happened! JR: Did you drop Larry when you came? CC: No. Vanz was putting his shoes on and Fredo, along with my oldest Son, barged in. I dropped Little Larry on that linoleum floor. He has never been the same since. JR: Thanks for stopping by. Vanz was on the show recently. CC: Do you have his number? JR: Nope. But it certainly sounds like he had yours!! Good night folks.