INSTRUCTIONS TO EVERYTHING 1. Welcome! 2. Spell out your full name, surname first. Fill in the circles completely with a No. 2 pencil. Make sure your marks are heavy and dark. 3. Enter your five-digit pin number. If you do not own a touch-tone phone, hold for operator assistance. If you do not hear an alarm within sixty seconds, force the door open. If the door wonât open, try closing it first. 4. Insert tab A into slot 6. Color in any space marked â3â with cornflower blue. Do not put all your eggs in one (1) basket. Do not pound square pegs into round holes. Guide them in gently. Think outside the box. Then fill in boxes 7a(a)-7a(c) with your age, address, and conception of the afterlife. 5. Think, write, revise. Lather, rinse, repeat. Before you begin assembly, locate the fissile isotope plutonium-239. Determine its expiration date, then predetermine your own. 6. Check at least once a month, perhaps in the shower. Search carefully for a hard, pea-size growth. Remove the hard drive with a flathead screwdriver. Phillips-head screwdrivers are awkward tools and untrustworthy lovers, like the Danish. continued at.......... http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/?040119sh_shouts