Fed Chief Bernanke, Treasury Secretary Paulson and SEC head Cox unite, form official PPT and outlaw down stock market days. In a historic move today, an official Plunge Protection Team was established by Bernanke, Paulson and Cox. "In the interest of maintaining orderly markets, we will not allow stocks or futures to open unless an up day is imminent" said Paulson. Bernanke added "If the markets come close to zero for the day we will halt trading until buying interest resumes. If that takes 3 hours or 3 weeks, we will remain resolved. We care about the little guy that much!" Cox finally chimed in "And I'm finally going to do something about naked shorting! Shorting is bad...mmmm...kay?" In an afterthought, Bernanke also cut the fed funds rate by 400 basis points to -1%. When questioned by reporters if that was even possible, he responded "I'm the Fed Chief biotch" Hey! We don't seem that far away from this to me!