Hypostomus' proposterous surreal-time journal

Discussion in 'Journals' started by hypostomus, Oct 19, 2003.

  1. Assuming that I don't get too drunk and forget, on Monday 20 October 2003 (that is a trading day, isn't it?), and assuming that the objections are not overwhelming, I shall post, one time only, free, gratis, gratuit, a connect-the-dots morning trading plan for NQ. This will consist of a set of utterly unambiguous instructions which will leave no room for doubt as to who is the greater fool, me for posting them, or you for not following them. I will only say in advance that if the NQ volume in the opening minute is less than 1593.72 contracts (a backtested quantity), that those of you on the West Coast may go back to sleep, and you big guys in Noo Yawk may go diddle your secretaries, or whatever it is that you do when you are not meretriciously manipulating the markets. Do not bother to flame me, as I have put all 20,000 members of ET on "ignore". Do not expect any excitement, this is boring purely mechanical stuff. I myself do not plan to trade.
  2. Please create a one minute chart of NQZ3 and set your indicators and oscillators as follows:

    MACD: 6/26/-3.5

    ATR in the SAR: 0.7

    %R: 9

    RSI: adjust to match the %R (for confidence and confirmation)

    MA's: sma at 5, tma at 7, use the n-ema of your choice

    Stochastics: whatever you usually use, stochastic really means random

    Volume: set a Keltner channel on the Bollinger band of the 1000 period sma of the one minute volume
  3. You must carefully think through whether or not you will take my trade signals, fade them, or stand aside. The leading indicators are announced at 10:00 AM ET tomorrow. An arithmetically-challenged third grader could have calculated the numbers last week, but never mind, it's NEWS. There WILL be a reaction. The big boys cannot manipulate the markets for no reason at all, or the ever-alert SEC would be on them in a flash.

    There are six scenarios:

    1. The market vamps for 15 minutes after the open as if it weren't going anywhere and then ever-so-coyly moves up (who? me?). NQ then avalanches down because the NEWS was BAD.

    2. The market does the same thing as in 1, but NQ rockets (that's a Grob109 term) up, because the news was GOOD.

    3. The market wildly gyrates for a full 30 minutes until you are exhausted, and you don't even have a trade on. Then it avalanches down on the announcement. I forget, does it do this because the news was good or bad?

    4. The market does the same thing as in 3, but rockets up, often after it oscillates wildly for a full minute until the big boys tell you that contary to what you rationally thought, the news really was good.

    5. The market may decide to do nothing until you are about to pop and are in the bathroom. It can outwait you.

    6. Highly unlikely, but the market may do nothing. I will have you covered with precise instructions on exactly how and when to do nothing in response.

    Pre-calculate your trade size. Take your account value and divide it by your broker's intraday margin plus $308.70. Trade that number of contracts. Worried about the risk of ruin? It's ONE trade, schmuck! You're not going to get ruined TODAY.

    Admonition: If there is a pre-announcement runup, my system may put you in the market BEFORE the news is announced. You will not want to take the trade. Trust me, five times out of three you want to be in the market when the news is announced. I will give you stops in the unlikely case this is wrong. These stops will take your breath away, but trust me, these trades need room to breathe. They are essentially catastropic stops, calculated using the Bin-Laden method.

    Premonition: My entries are calculated to avoid the frequent and massive, but seemingly random, fade of an apparent breakout. In the unlikely event that I have miscalculated, scale in and countertrade the fade until everybody else is thoroughly shaken out. You are on your own. I will not be giving realtime lessons. I will be too busy taking the other side of your trades.

    Precogntion: It is a dead-nuts certainty that the profit targets I give you will seem absurdly large and you will want to take profits earlier. DON'T. Repeat after me the immortal words of Bernie Kornfeld: "I sincerely want to be rich, I sincerely want to be rich, I sincerely...."

    Supposition: If you are not a dim-witted system trader, but are rather are a brilliant intuitive trader, this trade will drive you nuts. Take a deep breath, becalm your nerves, and do something socially responsible like posting your acute insights acerbically and in real time on ET.

    Proposition: I will only post the one time, at 9:31 AM ET, assuming I can wake up. If you would like to learn more about my insane methods, please consult my dual-use website, www.stocksandbondage.com.
  4. Hi hypo,

    Why did you switch your most beautiful postludium for this stupid thing? I even tried to find the old one back doing a search but the ET forum software seems to insert the stupid one everywhere now.

    Be good,

  5. ...I had no idea ET did that. I switch signatures depending on the inanity of my posting. Which gives me an idea...put the content of the post in the signature, then you can change it whenever you want. Doesn't allow for much text or variation, but then most posters here don't have that much to say anyway or are one-note charlies. I'll change it back when I am through with this journal.
  6. All times are in whatever time zone you are trading from (a trick I cheerfully plagiarized from Grob109).

    The issue is NQZ3, traded on a one minute chart on E-Signal, market orders to IB only, MSN as ISP, Verizon California as dial-up land line. No other combination is guaranteed to produce the same profitable results.

    Do not enter a trade before 9:31 or after 10:21.

    Go long if price closes above 1403.0. Sell the long if price closes below 1395.5, above 1416.0, or if your nerve holds out until 10:30:00. It is critically important to exit exactly to the second. This is worth a tick.

    Short if price closes below 1389.0. Cover the short if price closes above 1396.5, below 1376.0, or at 10:30:00, again to the second.

    Please do not disturb my intense concentration by posting or PMing me while a trade is on. I will be relieving stress by surfing porno sites.

    Do not dis my system unless you are willing for 60 trading days before God and all of ET to take the other side of my trades. I WILL take your money.

    Important Disclaimers: Future performance is no guarantee that past results were not a fluke. The author may or may not take the other side of this trade. The author neither confirms nor denies that he is engaged as a consultant to the futures industry, retained for the purpose of promulgating bad trading advice. Do NOT attempt to use these parameters tomorrow. They were carefully overoptimized and are only good for a Monday which falls closest to a new moon in a month in which no self-respecting Southern lady would be caught dead wearing white shoes in a year which is a prime number and a Presidential campaign kickoff year in which the incumbent is neither a lame duck nor a Democrat.
  7. funky


    i just went to dictionary.com to look up the word 'Aleatoric'.

    here's what i got:


    ( P ) Aleatoric: log in for this definition of Aleatoric and other entries in Webster's Millennium™ Dictionary of English, available only to Dictionary.com Premium members.

    lol! anywhoo, i am laughing my ass off this morning hypostomus....


    Composition depending upon chance, random accident, or highly improvisational execution, typically hoping to attain freedom from the past, from academic formulas, and the limitations placed on imagination by the conscious mind.

  8. Hypostomus,

    I'm sold. :) You make it all seem so easy. Are you willing to overcharge me for a seminar or some private coaching? I have learned one thing over the years: the importance of spending large sums of money on a trading "education" cannot be overstressed. My only request is that you should sound like a mystic so that I can idolize you as well. I guess that I'm just one of those rugged individualists who needs to be led.
  9. ...perhaps now they will laugh'a no more at the Great'a Hypostomus'a! Did you note how thrice (that's a Biblical term for those of you for whom English is a second language, or worse) price failed to penetrate (unnhh!) my upper threshold? Do you now believe that the Great Hypostomus has the ear of the pit (that doesn't sound right, does it?)? My power is such that all seek to frustrate me! Were you clever enough to fade my signal? Did the Great Hypostomus second-guess himself and short at the failure of the long signal? Only my charter subscribers (operators are standing by) will know!

    By my calcualtion the Grobians took all 264.533 fractal points to be had in those 51 minutes, but you, o' faithful ones, did as I commanded and did nothing! Which brings me to the first of many lessons I will now post: "When you trade with the fishes, you don't lose money, because fish don't trade!"

    Funky, you get a free charter membership for posting and keeping the faith. Your bill will arrive by regular mail.

    Thanks to all who lurked (you cowardly bastards!), and farewell. I shall not be induced to post again, no matter how great the clamor.
  10. ...I weep at your simple faith. In this craven age a man of greatness cannot simply walk on water, he must prove himself with accurate stock picks. I humbly accept you as my trading disciple, and promise to charge you no more than you can unreasonably afford. I grant you this special dispensation because you have not in the past offended me. Ordinarily, I would apply the strictest of acceptance criteria, which I doubt you could satisfy: female, between the ages of 40 and 50, under 5 feet 4 inches in height, weight-to-height ratio under 1.25 punds per inch, not excessively bright, but blessed with boundless credulity.

    You are right. It IS simple, as faith makes all things simple. But please excuse me, I must go reset my random number generator for tomorrow's trading. Bless you, my son.
    #10     Oct 20, 2003