How to be a Guru in 10 easy Steps

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by TheBestGuruEver, Aug 23, 2009.

  1. Redneck

    Redneck

    May I add Sir

    Write hard to understand verbose paragraphs…. About nothing


    eta - Not meaning you in any way, shape or form of course Sir

    RN
     
    #11     Aug 24, 2009
  2. Let me try a paragraph any GURU can use:


    "Today's price action was classic, technical and textbook. When the market opened higher, we saw a 1-2a, 3b wave structure of the smaller primary third impulse, which is an obvious short on most timeframes. Moving averages lined up well, we got our risk/reward, and captured many ES points. When the currency market showed an arb while out-of-the-money put options on GS had implied vol. spike, this confirmed our earlier suspicions. Then, at the end of the day, we were able to load up more profits using our proprietary 1,2, 3 method to perfection. Going forward, we hope all days are like this. "

    LOL
     
    #12     Aug 24, 2009
  3. Redneck

    Redneck

    BINGO.......
     
    #13     Aug 24, 2009
  4. OK, I am now convinced and I want to become a Guru.

    How much for your course? And give me your number to call, please! :D
     
    #14     Aug 24, 2009
  5. Luckily for people on ET, I am actually using this thread to teach people how to be the "Master Guru".

    All for ... wait for it... FREE

    Yes.........................FREE


    Because, what Gurus do is give you a ton of FREE crap, make it seem like they are NEVER WRONG, and then, after they think they have 100 suckers, charge for a class for ONLY $499.

    LOL

    This will be my blog, twitter, etc.... since anyone that spends time MARKETING, yes, it's all marketing, on that crap is after your money.

    Remember future gurus..

    make it FREE at first.

    get them hooked on how you are the best.

    and never hint to your bank account, car, house, etc....

    but make it seem like you NEVER worry about money.

    LOL
     
    #15     Aug 24, 2009
  6. OK, it's Free at first! :)
     
    #16     Aug 24, 2009
  7. LOL :D
    ***
    or like this

    Link

    LOL indeed. :D
     
    #17     Aug 24, 2009

  8. OMG, that is the worst crap i've ever read.

    If you read the entire thing and actually perceived any semblance of value, you would be perfect for my next guru seminar for the ridiculously low price of 879 billion dollars.
     
    #18     Aug 25, 2009
  9. For all gurus out there:


    Remember to make SUPER WIDE zones of support and resistance for your followers.

    Say in the ES:

    1035 to 1040

    1020 to 1025

    1018 to 1019

    998 to 1004

    This way you increase your odds of being right on some level.

    Also, if it goes though your crappy levels and keeps going down, say "This was a key INFLECTION point and I knew to sell below my levels"

    By using this strategy, you too can be the Guru.

    LOL
     
    #19     Aug 25, 2009
  10. Better yet:
    How to be a Guru in 1 step:

    1. Always state very vague but catchy statements, with some inspirational/motivational contenent.
    By being vague, you can always pretend to be right.
     
    #20     Aug 25, 2009