That goes without saying. There must be some chemistry to distinguish the relationship from only friendship. And attractiveness, however each person chooses to define it, is certainly part of the mix. However, if you are to suggest that the "hottest" prospect is the only one that will likely endure, then I believe you're wrong. We're all attracted to beauty. But once a prospective missy reaches a certain minimum level of attractiveness, by whatever standards you go by, then all of the other elements of that person begin to figure more prominently. For example, if a woman does not meet your minimum level of attractiveness, then she will not be in the running from the get-go. If she is crazy hot, then you will very likely give her the benefit of the doubt to pursue the matter further. Between these two extremes, are you more likely to be monogamous with an attractive woman with whom you connect on many levels and who makes you feel at home when you are with her? Or will you dump her for a somewhat more attractive woman who is not necessarily an airhead but who has an entirely different lifestyle than the one you prefer, and whose values, and even sense of humor, are entirely different than your own, and not in a good way? Which one of the two women would be a better candidate for your monogamy? That was the point of my previous post.
Well, "duration of relationship" could be long or short... But sexual chemistry only lasts so long. After doing it every-which-way a hundred times each you start looking around for some variety. I think a line out of "The Wedding Singer" is a good one, when the Drew Barrymore character says to the Adam Sandler character "I want somebody that I can, you know, grow old with - and I think he (her fiance) will make a distinguished-looking older man!" She completely confuses the ideas at that point, which is the whole point of the movie.
if you want to be happy the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife... your friends will never hit on her YOUR WIFE IS SOOOO UGHLY!!!!
Interestingly, Shôgun's Toranaga never sought out the best looking women. He found his choices to be more loyal, attentive and grateful.
I think we're in a struggle to fight our very nature, which is to spread it around as much as we can. It's a primal urge we're up against. I don't care how hot, how kinky, how much she does it for you, in time, you'll want something different. How many relaltionships end simply because a guy, or gal, wants a piece of strange? My guess would be plenty. You can still love your spouse, be happy in marriage and with your life in general, but still want that little something different every now and then. With time and age this primal urge becomes easier to surpress. Easier, not easy. I would think we'd all be a lot happier in marriage if we practiced what you don't know won't hurt you, so don't go snooping around. You want something different every now and then, be smart about it, be adult about it, meaning none of this puppy love shit, and still take care of business at home...it's all good. Now go find a spouse that's on the same page and you'll be happy, or not. Like I said, sex is but one component of a happy marriage. The really difficult part is getting past all that 17th century Puritan bullshit we're engrained with.
I'd say most people get this wrong. The key thing is that the attraction has to be <i>mutual</i>. If it is, it's likely to stay that way for many years (within reason, I'm not saying the emotion is always going to be like in the first few dates). The problem most guys have is that <i>they</i> are not attractive (enough) and somehow think that their money, supposed success or assumed intelligence makes up for that, which, of course, if the woman is looking for a provider, father, catch or best friend it will <i>to initiate</i> the relationship. However, women also like sexually (as in purely physical) attractive men and unless you do well in that department (I'm not implying anyone here doesn't), they will lose interest <i>in you</i>, which eventually leads men to look elsewhere, somehow fooling themselves into thinking it is their partner the one that is not "hot" enough.
That may work for you. But without trust and loyalty, you might as well just play the field. In any event, I don't think the kind of relationship you describe can actually exist between people who really love each other, certainly not in the fullness of time. And if they don't really love each other, then why the pretense?
what is love? people can learn to love each other, can't they? do you believe in "love at first sight"?