Here is the new plan to fix Wall Street and the US financial markets.

Discussion in 'Economics' started by SouthAmerica, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. .

    September 19, 2008

    SouthAmerica: Secretary Paulson, Ben Bernanke and other influential members of Congress are creating right now a new framework to fix the US financial system. Here are some suggestions that comply with their current mindset and can help them to achieve their goals:

    Here is how to create a stock market and financial system worth of a Banana Republic.

    Major goals:

    1) Create an artificial stock market based on garbage.

    2) Stop short selling to give the illusion that up is the only way the market should go.

    3) Ask the US government to stop publishing information about unemployment.

    4) Stop publishing data about bankruptcy for private citizens and also for corporation.

    5) Stop publishing data about real estate values and about foreclosures.

    6) The US government should not provide anymore any data regarding its growing cumulative outstanding debt since that information is nobody business other than the people who are pissing the US taxpayer money like there is no tomorrow.

    7) The US government should phase out immediately social programs such as Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid – also all government employees pension benefits.

    8) Get ride of the SEC and any other government regulation agencies since Wall Street knows what is good for America.

    9) The only regulation Wall Street welcome at this moment is the requirement that any deals in Wall Street be done with leverage in the range of 1 to 100 and the ones that need a little more leverage 1 to 200.

    10) One last request that Wall Street needs from the US government: that from now on the exchange rate of the US dollar against other currencies should be quoted based on how many Kilos of US dollars you need to buy 1 unit of foreign currency.

    11) All companies should create new financial statements using the new rules required by financial institutions in Wall Street these new statements of financial position should have only revenues and assets – the other stuff should be eliminated from all companies financials stuff such as expenses, costs, losses, and liabilities

    12) The new rules at the New York Stock Exchange should allow stocks to be traded only at a price above the last trade – and people should not be allowed to sell stock at bellow or at the same price of the last trade. Stocks should be allowed to go only one way – UP.

    13) The US government will stop publishing information about inflation as well since that is useless information according to Wall Street - and who needs information about inflation anyway?

    Note: The good news is that after the idiots set their fairy tales in stone all the problems affecting the US economy will go away immediately just like a miracle. Everybody becomes employed in the US, the real estate foreclosures and collapsing real estate prices disappear, the outstanding debt of the US government also disappear, the deep recession also go away immediately, all the debt that the average American has also disappear, and all the government budget problems at the state level also disappear.

    Alleluia, Alleluia, thanks God for Saint Bernanke, and Saint Paulson and their incredible string of MIRACLES - that came just in time to rescue Wall Street and the financial markets in the United States.

  2. purple


    Just adding to the above list. Where is the mention of my 72 virgins. LOL
  3. You almost nailed the actual the "14 Points of Fascism" in that list... imagine that.
  4. dtan1e


    if i understand correctly this bailout is not free, like in the case of aig, correct the share price won't fall, just a change of ownership, whats going to happen is the existing shareholders will be totally screwed with share dilution to peanuts then the fed end up owning the co.s