I've been in Honolulu for 3 months with 3 months more to go, and may remain indefinitely... It's been pretty extraordinary. I don't know much outside the Waikiki area, but if you work remotely, and don't live for the night life, the north south is less expensive, ... find a place without many tourists. As for being accepted by the locals, that's going to be on an individual basis, just be kind, you'll be fine. In Waikiki the locals tolerate outsiders, and you can be accepted fairly readily if you take the position you are a visitor and appreciate Hawaii's beauty, hospitality, and accommodations. I was partying with a giant Hawaiian native yesterday, with "Trust No One" tattooed on his hand. We got along swimmingly. The only real hostility I've encountered, or at least registered, is with a bus driver on the 13 I sometimes take to work. The dude dislikes white guys, but se la vi' .... It's a pretty religious environment, tough not to be living in God's splendor. One more thing, I've drank with a few Marines in town, who clearly came up against some serious hostility. But these guys were pretty hostile to begin with.
I think the Marines select for hostility and aggression. They used to walk 4-abreast down the sidewalk in town, projecting "better step aside or we'll run you over"... One time my buddy and I were waiting to catch a Marine air hop. There were some Marines there too, and I heard one of them say, "See those guys' hair cuts? They must be Air Force. Let's go kick their ass"... They didn't, thankfully.
yeah, not exactly great ambassadors, but I suppose that hasn't typically been their job. One more warning. In Waikiki... Don't Feed The Birds, as tempting as it is. I was paid a visit yesterday morning by the super attendant, accompanied by one of Honolulu's finest, to reinforce this point, after a couple previous warnings. Leaving a little seed for the finches outside your lanai (balcony) early in the morning might cause an international incident. "International" might be appropriate, because in a lot of ways, this feels like a foreign country... but it is most definitely Americanized. They love their Football! American that is.
I would choose maui, the only draw down is there isn't much of a nightlife. You can surf all year round (although diferent seasons bring better cycles) and you can fish right off the shore with a good old fashioned UglyStick with no licence. Mahi Mahi is awsome Probably a better place to visit regularly than live full time for most people tho. I also saw no reason to worry about violence or a negative attitude from any locals at all. It was just the opposite, everyone was laid back, relaxed and approachable