Do you have any independent thought at all, or do all your thoughts come from Biblical verses? That is not the life of a human being, but of a slave to the mind of a non-entity.
I have many independent thoughts about many things. But as far as truth about God or morality goes, I reference the Bible. A lawyer needs to know the law well to argue his case in court. Other philosophical arguments aren't going to hold the weight the law does when presenting his case. I have made the Bible my standard for truth. It's a choice I make, to consider it worthy of my full trust. I don't necessarily trust my interpretations or others' interpretations, because we are faulty human beings. However, I choose to believe that God directed the writings in the Bible.
I LOVE my Savior and I love to sing about HIM. You're forgetting that it's a relationship. What kind of relationship did you think you had with God when you were thinking you were a Christian? Was it full of all the things you post here? Guilt, domineering church leadership, man-made rules? What did you know of a personal relationship with God through Jesus? Oh, I have a better question. I'll ask it in it's own message.
So, please answer me, when you were thinking you were a Christian, how many of your prayers did God answer? AND how many of your prayers did you THINK God answered at the time, but now you think it was not really answers to prayer you received? Can you give us an example of something you thought was an answer to prayer, but now you realize it wasn't?
There will be those in the church who say "I want to be brainwashed in Christ". I say, you are probably being manipulated by the devil. Saying that, I'm not a believer in the big bad boogyman devil like the church portrays, but seeing the church can't stop looking over their shoulder because of boogyman devil, but if devil isnt dumb, then he's got you guys believing a con job.
All I can say, looking back, "What a delusional clusterfuck that was". I feel sorry for myself being so fuckin' stupid.
I know that God does intervene in my life. I also know that if somehow, He has not, then I am better off for having known God to be as wonderful as He is. He is the perfect Friend. There is nothing wrong about Him, He is entirely good. There isn't any earthly relationship that compares to the happiness I have in the friendship I have with God who is Almighty, All-forgiving, and loving me (and others) with an everlasting love. If I came to an understanding that it was all in my mind, it would be devastating for sure. But it cannot be, because of all the things that our outside of my mind that point to the realness of God's existence as well as His intervening in my life. I do feel bad for you though, because I don't think you ever had a real relationship with Him, yet you think you experienced what other Christians have experienced. Because of that, you think that all that Christians testify about, cannot be true, because your experience of it wasn't true.