Patriot Act III coming you way : Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. : May I have your..." : : Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order." : : Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?" : : Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, : it's 6102049998-45-54610." : : Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 : Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office : number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's : 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?" : : Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?" : : Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir." : : Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your : All-Meat Special pizzas..." : : Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir." : : Customer: "Whaddya mean?" : : Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've : got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. : Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an : unhealthy choice." : : Customer: "Damn. What do you recommend, then?" : : Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. : I'm sure you'll like it" : : Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?" : : Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from : your local library last week, sir. That's why I made : the suggestion." : : Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, : then. What's the damage?" : : Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your : four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes : $49.99." : : Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number." : : Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you 'll have to pay in : cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit." : : Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before : your driver gets here." : : Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's : overdrawn." : : Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash : ready. How long will it take?" : : Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 : minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up : while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a : motorcycle can be a little awkward." : : Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?" : : Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, : so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just : assumed that you'd be using it." : : Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!" : : Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've : already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop." : : Customer: (Speechless) : : Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?" : : Customer: "No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free : liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas." : : Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause : prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."