WASHINGTON â The Federal Reserve Open Market Committee announced today the launch of a new monetary policy initiative called âOperation Zero Deficit,â a new $25 trillion program aimed at eliminating the federal deficit. âOver the past few years we have learned that our unconventional monetary policies have enormous unintended consequences,â said Ben S. Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve. âVery positive ones, it turns out, in that the U.S. Treasury has earned a windfall from our securities purchases. We now believe we can expand our monetary programs to eliminate the federal deficit.â The committee outlined a plan to purchase the following classes of income-generating investments: - $5 trillion in dividend paying stocks - $5 trillion in sovereign debt of southern European countries - $5 trillion in credit card debt extension - $5 trillion in high yield corporate debt - $5 trillion in infrastructure projects The Federal Reserve staff projected that the new program would generate over $1 trillion per year of interest income, all of which â less administrative expenses â would promptly be remitted to the U.S. Treasury. âIf Congress can keep spending flat, we think the U.S. government is looking at a balanced budget next fiscal year,â he said. âBut if Congress spends a little more, we can always adjust our purchases higher and generate more income.â President Barack Obama declined to comment on the activities of the central bank due to its traditional independence from the executive branch. However, in a brief statement after a campaign rally in Ohio, he did praise Mr. Bernanke as a âtrue patriotâ whose commitment to refund almost 100% of the Fedâs earnings to the Treasury was âan admirable example for all Americans.â Many members of Congress hailed the program as an inspired solution to what had been a seemingly intractable national problem. âAre you serious? Are you serious?â a befuddled House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) asked repeatedly when prompted for comment on the Capitol steps. After a pause she smiled and said âI frankly donât know why somebody didnât think of this sooner.â In conjunction with the Fedâs announcement, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau announced that it would be issuing a new branded consumer credit card to any American who requested one. Interest on the card, to be called the âDeficit Buster Gold Card,â is to be fixed at 4%, and will have no credit limit. Consumer advocates hailed the program. âNow consumers can know that interest incurred on their everyday purchases will go straight to reduce the deficit, not to line the pockets of greedy banks,â said Massachusetts Senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren. Several Senators were drafting proposals to submit to a new office at the Fed that will evaluate potential infrastructure projects. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said that the New York delegation had âsome great ideasâ for building a new bridge and tunnel across the Hudson River at a cost of âa mere $50 billion.â âWe would happily sell the Fed bonds secured by the tolls. We see it as a âwin-win-win.â New York gets new roadways, the Treasury makes money, and we in Congress donât even have to appropriate a dime or raise taxes. Beautiful.â Standard & Poors and Moodyâs upgraded the debt of the U.S. Government back to its prior AAA status. âThe United States has taken an enormous step toward fiscal sustainability,â the bond rating firms stated in a joint report released after the Fed announcement. âThe ability of the U.S. to service its debt can now never be questioned.â In a blog post, Paul Krugman, the Nobel Prize-winning economist, commented that the Fedâs move would usher in a virtuous circle of investment and debt reduction which he called âa new golden age.â European political leaders saw the implications differently. A spokesman for the Prime Minister of Greece said that his countryâs Parliament would consider issuing new debt, perhaps âas much as $500 billion Eurosâ to satisfy the Fedâs anticipated demand. Since the Greek government is hesitant to comply with ECB austerity demands, interest rates on its bonds were poised to rise before the Fedâs announcement. âI think we can sell them as much as they could possibly want,â he said. A high ranking official in Spainâs economic ministry, who declined to comment because of the sensitivity of the matter, confided that his country believed it was ânow in the driverâs seat.â Knowing how much income the Federal Reserve needs to generate every year âwill allow us to dictate terms.â At the offices of the Simpson Bowles Deficit Reduction Commission, a skeleton staff could be seen removing boxes and furniture into moving trucks. âWhen the ducks fly over the cow manure, itâs time to load the hay,â former Senator Alan Simpson said mysteriously. http://www.forbes.com/sites/realspi...ral-reserve-announces-operation-zero-deficit/
Looks like the day of April Fools arrived a lot more earlier than expected. Bernanke for President 2016.
At least with Greenspan nobody could understand his Delphic utterings but the above would be disastrous. Hopefully I will be around still in 10 years to say I told you so.
should be safely tucked away in some MidWest Uni - for everyone's safety. Not a word about cutting costs !! or facing up to the reality the USA has been broken by his stupid policies ( + Odumbo's too of course & Bush etc.)
the Fed goes short the dollar, the EPA goes long crude, and all of Congess is paid in Health Care stocks. And Social Security is invested 100% in US Treasuries, that should work.
Good program and as seen from various bailouts by Fed to different companies, the returns are impressive. Balanced budgets are something which are critical to the financial pulse of any country. Hope RAT Republicans do not take the offices and rack up the spending because Fed has given them $1T a year of room to move.