fear of Success?

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by bat1, Jan 11, 2009.

  1. bat1


    I'm just letting it out my thought's
    as a trader...there was so many trades
    where I was up to my sell point and
    did not sell I froze up...then when I do
    sell it at break even or at a loss I feel
    bad and hate my self...now I'm thinking
    I'm just focusing on my losses and maybe
    my brain is too..I can't win I'm a loser
    my mom would hit me as a kid and tell
    me I was a loser ...so when I do something Successful like a winning a
    trade I must lose..

    money does not make a trader

    I bet you give a pro trader $1,000
    and a loser trader a $1,000,000
    that pro trader will have more in the
    bank after just a yr of trading.

    it's all in the mind!

    Now I'm thinking for my daughter
    to be Successful I must make her feel
    good about herself ...we must give lot's
    of love to our kids if we don't and make them feel bad then they might
    always want to feel bad and lose in life
    to be successful in trading you must
    be successful in everything around you
    it all connects.
  2. Keep letting those feelings out.

    You're on your way.

  3. ''so when I do something Successful like a winning a trade I must lose..''


    You will get what you believe you are worthy of.

    ''Now I'm thinking for my daughter
    to be Successful I must make her feel
    good about herself .''

    You will be rewarded. To teach is to learn twice.
  4. for my daughter
    to be Successful I must make her feel
    good about herself ...

    The tatics you use to accomplish this may be a double edge sword.

    If you offer praise where none is due and often enough in order not to damage her self esteem you'll raise a girl who thinks the world owes her a living and she is in for a big surprise when she hits the real world.

    We try too hard to insulate kids from failure, a better approach would be to offer them a variety of tools & strategies to overcome and work around their failures because most of the "I can't do this" are temporary.

    She'll have ups and downs, your job is to be there unconditionally, she is loved and you are the one she can ask for help. She needs to know that her dad thinks she is the smartest person in the world and you need to do this with and without bs.
  5. wave


  6. travis


    I started a thread similar to yours, and I agree with you. I also had a father who always showed me the stick and never the carrot. I think you should use both. When a child does something right, tell them so, reward them, and don't tell them coldly "you did your duty" or "you could have done better". My father always told me these things. And guess what? I went from being the best student of my class to flunking out. I said "since nothing makes you happy, the hell with it". My dad was an idiot and I still wonder how he could do something so stupid. Of course I was an idiot, too, by flunking out. But when somebody pushes you so hard, it's impossible to do what they tell you.

    For your trading, I can say that discretionary trading is more complicated than it seems and I could never really identify what the causes of my failure were. Wrong method, bad implementation of good method due to emotions?

    The only was I found to make money is to develop a univocal system, that is tested on the past, and that works both in the past and in the present. But you could also use a manually-executed system and paper-trade it until you're positive it works, even with no need to back-test it.

    It's hard to follow even your own rules - in the face of the strong emotions that trading causes in most of us - unless you're first positive that they work.

    You see, I think I can learn to play videogames that are even more complicated than trading, because I am just rational, since I don't lose money. But emotions prevent us from learning to trade - they conflict with your reasoning. The desire to make money is too strong and it drives you crazy. The fear of losing is also too strong to allow you to think straight.
  7. karol88


    so true, give only deserved praise or she will have narcissistic tendencies
  8. Imo, talking about mom did this or dad this that, and I reacted this way is fine for a point of reference (and convenient) that is about the end of it.

    Pick a number be it 18 or 21 but at some age you just have to say "I'm in charge of my own life", everything else is just yesterdays news.

    Doing this though, is the hard part and besides, it is fun to talk about how mom and dad fucked up.
  9. for all the parents out there don't criticize you kids and treat them like shit. encourage them and praise them.

    something tells me that you do something i use to do alot..... I use to remember all the times my parents disapproved of all the things that i do.

    Don't know why but everything i do they do not like. Just because there your parents everything that say is not right.... So what did i do?

    i stopped listening to them.

    I would constantly dwell on this negative shit everyday until i listened to this preacher called joel olsten.

    find a podcast called voice of victory and listen to the others to. very uplifting.

    #10     Jan 25, 2009