Family has negative perception about trading

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by a529612, Jul 24, 2006.

  1. Once you show off the lambo or mansion (if you ever get that good), then I think they can respect it. I certainly hope I get that good, although don't know if I'll need the lambo or the mansion. lol

    Just like professional poker players talk about. Seems like most wouldn't be getting support by anyone to try and do it as a career, but those that do it well, seems like they get the support they need.

    I know my parents think it's nuts, my sister & her husband have much more optimistic views about the whole thing.

    Just interesting stuff.
    #11     Jul 24, 2006
  2. Wifey just thinks daytrading is not a respectable way to make a living. It's nothing more than being a compulsive gambler going in and out of a casino daily. The thing is I'm getting trade confirms and statements in the mail everyday. When she picks up the mail with a whole pile of obvious correspondences from the broker, she knows some unusual account activity is going on. Another thing is I did well last year but this year has been tough. I need some justification to show her that I know what I'm doing.
    #12     Jul 24, 2006
  3. Or you open a hedge fund... unfortunately this is not a very viable option.
    #13     Jul 24, 2006
  4. Don't let it bother you. Let it roll off like hot butter.
    #14     Jul 24, 2006
  5. Just get e-statements then, forget the mail. Also you need to explain to her the difference between compulsive gamblers and ppl that gamble/trade with an edge. That should help.
    #15     Jul 24, 2006
  6. Exactly. If you won the lottery, do you think people will care you didn't earn it?
    #16     Jul 24, 2006
  7. dac8555


    I had a similar situation several years ago...

    I opened a headhunting firm with a business partner. His wife was VERY conservative, hated the idea, and thought he should get a "stable" job. she was an accountant by the way.

    well...the money didnt come often...but when it was big. His wife was bitching the ENTIRE time about how he didnt have a "Steady paycheck".

    End of they year we got the last laugh...He made MUCH more than she did at her steady job. Sad thing was, she still wouldnt shut her trap.

    I still dont get the time, they were 25 years old...brand new house, two brand new cars, making over $100k per year...and it still wasnt good enough for this guys friggin wife.
    #17     Jul 24, 2006
  8. 9999


    What's respectable for her? A corporate job? Being in the rat race? I encourage you to face those issues, or else you'll always have a tough time. Being married means facing issues and trying to solve them, not ignore them. Also, use your money only, not a joint acct. It's your money, and aside from prostitution and/or illegal activities, you're entitled to use it any way you want, period.
    #18     Jul 24, 2006
  9. I love this question and idea in general.

    Lets face it, most of the public at large think people that actively trade for a living are nuts and are usually against you. They all think you're going to fail and the odds are certainly in favor of that assumption. Why? Well, most traders do fail eventually. Also, for the same reason many people here on Elite Trader heckle and belittle those that claim or tout success. Unfortunately, it's human nature, ever heard of the saying "misery loves company"? Far too many people would rather drive to work everyday and spend 8 hours or so tasking at an activity they absolutely despise. They'd rather mortgage their lives for a paycheck of which they overspend on stuff they don't even need (Fight Club 101). But hey, they don't call it work for nothing.

    Now, when your family gets in on the act, it can be hard to stomach indeed. First of all, you have to accept people for what they are. My Dad (I love him and he's been fantastic my whole life) spent 33 years in a mine and retired a production plant supervisor with no higher level education. He is definitely a hard worker and smart person. He instilled in me an unbelievable work ethic. My Mom is a successful business person in the world of art and antiques. She also has an unbelievable work ethic and no formal higher education. Now, both wanted me, their baby, to get an education so I wouldn't have to work like a dog like they did to get ahead. So I got my education, trudged off to work in the corporate world. Secured a fantastic job in one of the worlds largest pharmaceutical companies and was absolutely well compensated, but totally miserable.

    Now, you think both my parents were supportive of my desire to go into trading? Absolutely NOT! Luckily I do have a VERY SUPPORTIVE fiance that helped me with the switch to becoming a successful investor/trader/business owner. Now, it's very hard when you have no support or very little, but that's why it's the toughest mental game in town. Recently I asked my parents, both know I am successful in what I do, if they wanted to invest in my business. Both, without batting an eye said, NO! Wow thanks for the support Mom and Dad, but hey, it's just business. Can't take it personal, and I don't.

    At a certain point you must be honest and true to yourself. If you are going to take it seriously and "know" you can do it (you will KNOW if you are honest with yourself), then at some point you have to take the step or just keep on keeping on. At some point you must do what it takes to tune out the noise. Have a heart-to-heart with your spouse/significant other. Agree upon some realistic goals. Stick to them and be honest with each other. As far as in-laws and friends, they're the easiest to tune out. I have a friend that reports the the cubicle each morning and what I do I know just drives him up the wall. This is the same guy that also says that if he worked for himself he probably wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. Hey, at least he's honest! Success speaks loudest, and believe me , if and when you do become successful, you're going to find out very quickly who are your TRUE FRIENDS.

    Good luck, it's hard, but being open and honest with your closest loved ones is essential. If you get no support after that, then you have to make a personal call and assess your priorities and relationships.
    #19     Jul 24, 2006
  10. I always find that the attacks on the trading for a living is a mixture of jealousy, ignorance and fear:

    Jealousy- many people have the secret dream to be the big trader with 5 screens and making money out of nothing, being your own boss and having the freedoms in life trading can give you. When people know you trade for a living, they get some jealousy over you doing what they might wish to do and if they cannot do it then you are probably stupid for trying since it is impossible. They refuse to believe that they are not capable because of their own shortcomings and therefore lash out at those who try to do it. In fact, they are happier when they hear you failed or blew up your account to confirm that they were right that it is hard to do. They are sad.

    They are also jealous in the big picture that you are doing something to be on your own and most people want that. They might not care about trading at all but they have always dreamed in their own profession to strike out and have their own business and to see you do it with something like trading, which might be low in their mind compared to consulting or designing, they put down what you do. All of this is a form of jealousy, subtle or not.

    Ignorance- many people know nothing about the market except indexes and mutual funds and feel that no one can make money in the market. They think options are risky, bonds are safe and mutual funds are good because no one can pick stocks so better to own a piece of many stocks at once, but they overlook the hypocrisy of giving their money to a stranger to pick stocks. They think traders are gamblers and just playing with money and therefore are at a lower level than someone in a business creating a work product or weatlh. They equate you with the get rich quick infomercials they see and assume you fell for it or are chasing fool's gold. When you lack any knowledge on a subject you doubt everything about it. These people have no idea what trading is about and usually have a chidish view of finances and make up a large portion of the people who call in to Suze Orman.

    Fear - people are afraid of risk. They run from it or are afraid to lose $1.00 even if it is for a 60% chance to make $5.00 and they can afford to lose that $1.00. Fear makes them avoid anything that scares them even a little. They invest any money they have blindly exepcting it to be there since it is in CDs, bonds, "safe" mutual funds and other instruments which let them earn the bottom rung of yields or returns. Fear usually comes from the ignorance or from those who simply want stable salary and expected income even if the job they need to do to get that makes them depressed and unhappy. One relative asked me why would I give up a steady salary to trade for a living. I told him I hated my job and loved trading and do make money at it and left it that to make the point that you need to put yourself out there to get what you want. Fear of tkaing one step out of the risk-adverse womb makes them think you are crazy for doing so and probably wrong and a gambler or irresponsible so they also attack what you do.

    So Jealousy, Ignorance and Fear are the underlying reasons why people put down, attack orclaim disbelief at our choice of trading for living. The sad thing is that they are really trying to bring you down to their inadequacies to feel better. When I tell people what I do now, I usually smile and ignore the responses that are not positive because why would a person with brain feel the need to attack a profession and skill (yes it is a profession), when it does not matter one way or the other in their life what you do.
    #20     Jul 24, 2006