with apologies to the Pogues and the late, great Kirsty McColl It was Christmas Eve shag, Down the Mithras, An old trader said to me, won't see another one And then he sang a song About the dollar yen, And he said to me, Weâll see the lows again Got on a lucky one Cable fell from two to one, I've got a feeling This year's worth a bob or two, So happy Christmas I love my job you see I can see a better time When all my dreams come true Weâve got cars big as bars Weâve got rivers of gold But the market goes right through you It's no place for the old When you first took on me Back in 1983, You promised me A big bonus was waiting for me I was fast I was quick But a little bit thick, When the market stopped buying It looked for some bids The screens were all pinging, All the dealers were singing We booked a big profit Then danced on the desk And the boys in the CDS room Were singing away And the bells were ringing out For Christmas day You're a bum You're a punk Our bonds are now junk Weâd certainly be dead if it werenât for the Fed, You scumbag, you maggot You cheap lousy faggot Happy Christmas your a&*e I pray God it's our last I could have been someone Well so could anyone You worked for Citi Bank When I first met you I took on your book I merged it with my own Can't make it all alone I've built my P&L around you