ET Cold Turkey

DAY ONE.

Kindly Dr. Mudgins: "What is your presenting condition?"

Abject ET Client: "I made a really bad market prediction yesterday publicly on ET, and rather than admit to myself that I was wrong, I countertrend traded all day and missed the big bucks."

Mudgins: "So what's the real problem? Everybody on ET is wrong. And nobody makes money daytrading."

Client: "I embarass myself with all my foolishness."

Mudgins: "Again, so what's the problem? Nobody else knows because they all have you on ignore."

Client: "That's it! Doc, you're a genius!"

Mudgins: "Yes, yes, I know that. WHAT's it?"

Client: "I'll put MYSELF on ignore! That way I'll never see how stupid I am!"

(Therapist's note: Day One of ET Cold Turkey began propitiously.)

 

I thought you were nutz with your lunarcycles thread but now I'm sure of it..

 

The Anagrammatic Dr. Mudgins: "So how did the first day go?"

His Enigmatic ET Client: "It started out well enough. I was trading and had a brain fart on a formation that looks like the Loch Ness Monster, so I posted it in the TA Forum as a new pattern. You know, they don't know any better. They believe in report and desistance and Liberace levels and shit like that."

Mudgins: "So how did it work having yourself on ignore?"

Client: "Man, it felt great! I didn't have to worry about logic, or syntax, or grammar, or spelling or any of those things nobody on ET cares about."

Mudgins: "So why the long face?"

Client: "Well, I forgot the idea I had, and went back to look it up, but I couldn't see myself and nobody had quoted me. All I saw were insults."

Mudgins: "As they say in NLP, 'The meaning of your communication is the response you get. ' So what dod you do?"

Client: "I had no choice. I created an alias to read myself, and got so pissed off at what I wrote that I replied to myself!"

Mudgins: "You are one sick puppy."

Client: "So I'm outa there. No more posting for me. Not even lurking. Never again."

Mudgins: "Mind if I take bets on that?"

(Therapist's note: I smell a long term client.)

 

lololol

I just spit coffee all over my desk, thanks alot!

 

Day Two of ET Cold Turkey

Skeptical Dr. Mudgins: " 'One day at a time.' Did you make it?"

Excited ET Client: "Yes! I discovered that ET is as pernicious as pornography, except that it doesn't make your dick hard."

Mudgins: "How'd you do it?"

Client: "I recalled my college days, and the Vipassana meditation retreat. I remember it well because I had to keep my hands off myself for a whole week. I made each one minute bar a kasina, and once each minute I recited the mantra 'I will not pollute my mind with ET' !"

Mudgins: "Did it work?"

Client: "Did it work! I discovered the four (en)ema's which control intraday retraces, and code named each one for an old girlfriend, from Fast to Very Very Slow! (If you knew you were going to get an (en)ema, you wouldn't want to go there, either.) I codified two variants of the Loch Ness Monster pattern, Rearing and Diving! I determined the threshold of slope which distinguishes a bear or bull flag from a trend with legs! And I took the first steps toward understanding The Rising M and The Falling W!"

Mudgins: "Did you make enough money to pay me?"

Client: "Yes, before commissions."

Mudgins: "I'll take it. Before commissions."

 

Great read Please keep it up!

 

Suspicious Dr. Mudgins: "I'm pleased that your trading went well. But how did you do psychologically without your ET addiction to fall back on?"

Sheepish ET Client: "Well, I did have some problems. Like, ET was my Safe Place. You know, like when you were a little kid at a horror movie? And the monster started to eat the good looking girl, just when the hero was thinking he was going to get to do it? And you couldn't look? And you got up and went to the lobby for some juju's? ET was where I went when the market got too scary. And I couldn't watch."

Mudgins: "But you DID watch, today."

Client: "Yes, but I saw all sorts of things I didn't like. Like endless sequences of alternating red and green bars. I thought I was in hallucinogenic hell. And tails. Loooong tails. Long tails going up. Long tails going down. They made my ass itch."

Mudgins: "There, there! You were a brave little boy!"

Client: "But the worst part was that I started SEEING things. You know, like those weirdos on ET who are always looking for something they DON'T trade that will lead something they DO? I swear my four second chart was leading my five. And every time I looked at my daily chart, IT seemed to be leading EVERYTHING."

Mudgins: "And how did you feel about that?"

Client: "Pretty good, actually. It was a small price to pay for not having the hallucinations I get when I'm on ET."

Mudgins: "Oh, really? Like what, specifically?"

Client: "Like I'm a trading genius. Like I can trade like I think I can. Like somebody else can teach me how to trade. Like I can trust people I can't even see or hear or touch or feel or smell not to misrepresent who they are, to make me think they really trade, when all they do is post bullshit all day."

Mudgins: "I think we've made some real progress here today."

 

Hi, Doc

What are my chances here? Signed up to use the search, but already making a post.

 

Dude, this was some of the most hilarious shit you've ever written on this web site. You definitely need a career change. Let me know when you make it to the Improv.

- Spydertrader

 

Now what do you think my client feels like when you post that his experiences struggling to free himself of his addiction to ET are hilarious? These are condensed transcripts of actual therapeutic sessions. Only the aliases have been changed to protect the innocent. You, sir, are perhaps the worst of a bad lot. Look at YOUR transcripts. Day after endless day, when aspiring traders should be TRADING, they are posting to your thread! Do you give them tough love, like I do my emotional dependents? Do you snarl menacingly "A trader TRADES!", like I do, when they whine that they can't tell report from desistence? No. You give them their daily spoonful, catch what dribbles from their slack jaws and loose lips, and lovingly feed it to them again!