13 reasons why bush wants to go to Mars! 13. Mars reminds him of Texas, only without all those pesky Mexicans. 12. Saw Mars Attacks on HBO three years ago and never got over it. 11. The voices in his head told him bad things would happen if he didn't. Very bad things. 10. Thinks Osama bin Laden might be hiding out there with Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction. 9. Crazy new weapons being developed by the Pentagon are way too dangerous to test here on Earth. 8. Non-existant industry regulation and the solar system's lowest wages make Mars the ideal place to relocate America's few remaining manufacturing jobs. 7. There may once have been biological life there, and where there's biological life, there's oil! 6. Always on the lookout for new ways to put your money into Halliburton's pockets. 5. Wants to bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the Martian people. 4. When Mars passed so close to the Earth last summer, it looked at us funny. 3. "Them Mars bars sure is tasty!" 2. This is merely an extension of Bill Clinton's Mars policy. To suggest that Bush's approach to Mars deviates in any substantial way from that of his predecessor is preposterous, if not treasonous. 1. He doesn't. This is all just an election year ploy, a diversionary tactic on which he has zero intention of following through.