1) Your psychology is everything but decent. 2) You have a problem. 3) You need professional help, not advice from strangers that are probably in the same boat you are..
I feel pretty solid these days mentally man, no issues taking or closing trades, sticking to the plan, excepting the risk beforehand etc...took me a while to get here. Maybe I'm not as good as I think but I know for a fact I've been a lot worse. And by professional help do you mean like a trading psychologist "coach" or an actual legit trader that's makes a living in the markets? Because the former won't do shit for me if I have no edge.
Sounds familiar. Close your ears and muffle your eyes, don't listen to those armchair psychologists. (The only thing they are correct on is that you were doing it in options. In that vein they are correct. Options people are crazy. ) PM incoming soon...
Hello ironchef, I'm just giving free game. I use to be like zghoner too, lost and confused. I offered him one of my algos to trade, I just don't have the captial needed to trade it right now. He can turn that 90K to a million in a few months, he just don't have the confidence and no proof of nothing so hard for him to see how to get rich quickly. He just having a hard time right now. I feel where he coming from.
You don't either. Your idea is to throw 100 contracts at a time at the ES wall and see what sticks. That's going to work only a certain number of times before the wall throws shit back at you. And you won't like that.
Man I was brand new with zero understanding of anything at all as green as possible trading options in a $100k account thinking a WSB 10+ bagger was guaranteed in my destiny lmao. So fucking embarrassing I'm cringing to death admitting this haha.
A sign of growth and maturity is admitting it. A step in the right direction. Don't sweat it. Remember my journal? It took some bad hits, but I am not embarrassed. It is what it is.
Yea I'd rather take my microwave for swimming lessons than give anyone else money to trade with. Especially you SML.