British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover Mon Aug 20, 3:50 PM ET A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry. Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances. The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment. The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required. He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation. "It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said. "I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived." http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070820/od_afp/entertainmentbritain;_ylt=Al_4v_eNetrhC5M.KpJOBg6s0NUE
It's been a rough week for me. First the vacuum / glue thing, then my ex sets my junk on fire. I can't wait for Friday. Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis Wed Aug 22, 10:53 AM ET A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday. Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict." The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high. "It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."
none of these stories will ever succeed that of legendary lorena bobbit. her's is one of folklore. she even has a verb named after her: bobbitize: (v) to cut off a penis