December Trading Journals

I think I have been a good boy this year and I sure as hell hope Santa brings me a good December to wrap up my first profitable year at Worldco. While Santa will probably never bring me what my heart truly wants, it is one of the many compromises in life.

November was not an easy month, and while I wish it was better, I can live with the result. December will without a doubt be a shortened schedule with holiday spirit, but I have learned that those even those light volume games can be extremely potent when played correctly.

I had two substantial down days in November, as my defense completely collapsed during one of them, which must be avoided at all costs. While I did not have any other mental breakdowns, the inability to avoid excessive churning and have enough big games made it a step back versus October. Fortunately, I lost just four games during the period, and such consistency must be the benchmark I apply to myself every month.

I did not get the much needed statistical breakout I hoped for despite an effort to increase my size in many positions, but such things can not be rushed, when enough effort and experience is there, it will happen for me automatically. And I hope it applies to other things in life as well.

I am up $64.5K YTD, I am looking for $70K, a finish around $75K will be optimal, as I would love to finish the year with a big month. Anything is possible, but all I am looking for is an A+ for effort, everything else will fall into place the way they should.

I am already 22, my closest financial goal is to acquire my own apartment in Manhattan before I turn 25, and actually, I am looking to do it way before then. It is obvious that it won't happen at least until late 2002 - early 2003, so I am not going to be looking for much at my Christmas tree this year.

This was a very important building block of a year in my career, and it is imperative to finish it on a high note, strength and courage, may the sweetest dreams come true, I am on my knees, praying for the day I will be the one.

November / October

P&L Before Commissions: 15183 / 16876
P&L After Commissions: 6913 / 8838
Shooting %: 53.21% / 50.00%
Cent Per Share: 0.051 / 0.069
Volume Each Way: 292700 / 243700
W/L: 18-4 / 19-4

 

HIT LIST MOMENT:

http://hitmantb.tripod.com/

The game that boiled my blood and stopped my bleeding.

From: Hitman (Original Message)

Sent: 12/15/2000 6:17 PM

It was the most emotional session in my career.

At lunch time, I was down as much as $90, by the day end, I am up $55, 300 shares is quite a bit more stress for me, and I just traded and traded and traded.
I am serious considering "no shorts", because shorting in classic day trading is very difficult for me. The cursed uptick rule is killing me. Let's start off by saying that I timed the rally in the afternoon with absolute perfection, but judging by my account balance you can tell that at 300 shares, I probably didn't take advantage of it. I didn't trade EMC today, that was the biggest mistake of the session. The stock glued with futures and you could have traded this one over and over again and made a boat load of money.

I tried very hard to make money off JBL, unfortunately this stock was under some heavy pressure this afternoon, even with futures blazing, I was unable to make any money off it. Same with STM, wrong place, wrong time, at the first sign of a futures move you want to go with largest caps namely tier one stocks.

Fortunately, I was able to score 1/2 point on SFA and 1/4 point on IBM, in the morning I went light, in the afternoon I traded exclusively 300 shares so I was able to end the day in the green. Had a roller coaster of a trade in IBM, there was a sell imbalance on the stock, but instead of shorting the stock, I saw the support at 57 3/8 and the stock fell 2 and 1/2 point to that level, futures is still tanking, but I didn't care, I have been killed before playing imbalances, when the release came out most of the selling is already done, and those who don't understand the rule of the game will be in for a painful short squeeze if they short the stock. I saw the squeeze coming and jumped in, but at 3:50 a second sell imbalance came out, ended up making a 1/8 point after being 1/4 point out of the money with 5 minutes left in the game, very fortunate because buyers stepped up as I expected.

Up $206.25 before commissions, up $55 after, things are looking better. My benchmark guy just completed his first winning week, he is up $400 for the week I think, and down $11K overall, with this win I am again sitting on a 3 games winning streak (although even with all 3 combined, I only made $120, and I lost $170 and $360 on each losing days this week).

Still, with more volatile stocks, and 300 shares, next week I should step up. I am very happy about the way today's session went, you will understand why after you read the editorial on my new thread.

Each journal should start with a non-trading related editorial, because if you have been following my journals, you know that there is something out there that motivates me more than all the diamonds in the world.
The day started like another trading day, had my morning coffee, came to work a bit late, didn't do morning research, just followed my watch list, by 11AM, I was down $90.

Then I caller her cellular phone, the most compact Motorola V8 series that I gift wrapped in a birthday cake made of fresh flowers, I heard her sweet voice, and I felt I was re-vitalized. I asked her if she wants to go to dinner tonight, and she said she is leaving school early, and no . . .

Then she told me something that I knew all along that she is capable of, something I saw in her that perhaps no one else have seen until now . . . She just won Chinese American modeling contest 2000, first place, and she is leaving for Hong Kong for one month in New Year to compete internationally.

I knew this will happen, I knew she had the potential, I told her she can do it no matter how many times she said she couldn't, and I should be extremely happy for this to happen, but something deep in my heart told me that perhaps, this is the beginning of the a shinning career, that perhaps, she will truly be the moon and stars, that when it is all over, I may never have what it takes to win her even if I succeed in my trading career . . . Even if she doesn't win the international competition, what she did here will indeed bring her exposure and tons of exciting new opportunities.

I am happy for her, I truly madly deeply am happy for her, one hundred percent . . . this is what I wanted to see all along, someone I hold as the most beautiful woman in the world, winning a modeling contest, yet I don't know if I will ever be good enough for her anymore . . .

It was a very funny feeling, I know I am happy, but behind my happiness, there is a feeling of inferiority. I wonder if I am even qualified to help her later down the road. Did I give her confidence when she needed it? Will she ever need me again?

I started to type today's trading journal, my eyes are a bit wet, I feel like the farmer boy again, I feel like the frog again . . . I type at a 60 WPM clip and my mind was not in the journal. All of a sudden, the senior trader next to me yelled at me and asked me what am I doing . . .

I looked at him, he is the most senior trader in my firm with 4 and 1/2 years of experience, he trades slow stocks and the recent market volatility has created a long losing streak for him, the coldest streak of the year.

"I am doing my trading journal." I wasn't looking into his eyes, I was almost frozen, I don't know what happened, I can't describe it, but I was in another world. Normally, I am always pay him a tons of respect and always sugar coat every word but today, the mask was off.

"Can't you do it after the close? It is bothering me!"

"I am typing and doing my own stuff."

"Why are you typing? You should be trading!"

"I don't trade during lunch time, you can lost a lot money trading during lunch hours."

"Are you trying to tell me how to trade?" He stood up, over the last a couple of days he uncharacteristically traded a few very volatile stocks, and I made better calls than he did. Yesterday he went long on AOL after the news release and I told him the best thing to do was to short the stock after it peaks, and I was right.

"No, but I am doing my own stuff."

"If I don't like what you are doing, you better stop or you will be out of here!" A senior trader always possesses the right to move new traders to other areas if they are being bothered. Ironically, this is the guy who I asked to be my mentor if you remember the journal from a few weeks ago. I lost all of my senses as I continued to type. He stood up.

"Do this after 4PM, if you don't stop I am going to break your computer!" He was seriously smoked to day, back then when he was making money and I am typing my journal, he would joke that I am a typist not a trader. If I retained any senses, I would have backed off, but my mind was in another world, thinking about her, and the feeling of inferiority, feeling of being not as good as what she wants, devoured me.

"I am going to finish this journal." He stepped in my face, he used to have a black belt in Karate, but years of trading put his body completely out of shape, but there was something I fear a lot more in my mind, and it wasn't him. I am fire and ice, when I think of her, the passion burns within me, when I am dealing with enemies, I am calm and cold as ice.

I turned to face him, my eyes stared into his, and he screamed, took my mouse and tossed it hard against my monitor, others in the room were shocked by what happened, and a one year trader stood up and stepped between us and told me to go take a break. I went to men's room and poured cold water over my face, and that trader came in and told me that I should respect the senior guy, he is very patient, he never saw him go off like that . . .

Come to think of it, at my past job I also made a few very nice guys go off . . . However, I told him something that I truly believed this time . . .

"It wasn't my fault."

We never spoke again, and rest of the room never spoke to me again, clearly, no one would take my side or even befriend me in fear of that 4 year veteran, and I am all alone . . .

But I won't be, by next week, I will most likely be moved to a different area, this happens every day in my firm, people don't get along with each other and asked to be moved to different areas . . . Even if I won't be moved, I will never be alone, she is deep within my heart, she is with me, every second of my life . . .

I didn't know if I should have stayed and traded the afternoon session, emotion filled my veins, I have never been so emotional, every nerve in my body pulled like a tight bow string, and they say emotion is never good for trading. I couldn't eat my lunch, I couldn't concentrate. I wanted to go home, for a second I even wanted to quit everything I am doing and just live a normal life of college, job, marriage, kids . . . From my eyes, they could see my fears, but they didn't know that there wasn't any one in this firm whom I fear . . . I was scared, I was dead scared, of something else . . .

I didn't know if I will survive this career when I left my last job, I didn't know if I will ever have a chance with her when I pursued her . . .

Then, the tower of iron will returned, and I finished the afternoon session strong.

I don't know if I will ever be a successful trader after two months of losses, I don't know if I will ever be her husband after two years of fruitless pursuing, I have nothing to offer her at this time . . .

Yet I still have my will, the will that will keep my chin up under ANY circumstances . . .

Yet I still have my love, the love that will make me love her no matter what she does . . .

Until my dying day, what ever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will do my very best and wait for the sweetest moment of my life . . . will it come?

 

hitman,

How much would an apartment in Manhattan cost?
Good job man! You are 22 and making $60k-$70k a year.

At 22, I am still in college doing my assignment. I sure hope i did load up tons of DELL, CSCO during my college years.

Keep it up man. I am sure you will be very successful.

 

A halfway (or quarter-way) decent apartment in NYC is $1M+. I take that back: $1.5M+.

If anyone wants to buy my apartment now its yours for $3.3M. But I live a few blocks from the WTC...

 

Man I'm glad I don't have to sit next to jerks like that. I like my fuzzy slippers and my friends on the speakerphone.

Nice work Hitman. Best wishes for Dec.

JB

 

Vishnu:

Not going to turn this into an apartment thread, but this is what I am looking for (hopefully even better as real estate prices fall):

http://www.corcoran.com/property/pr...1&Ld6=174477&Ld7=203016&Ld8=184101&Ld9=167428

http://www.elliman.com/listings.asp...ECP326376&I=ECP086128&strAdSrch=&order=desc&=

It is safe to say our standard is a little bit different. Maybe at some point I will consider a 1 million dollar apartment "quarter decent". I don't see myself ever needing anything more than this:

http://www.elliman.com/listings.asp...DCP326200&I=ECP303616&strAdSrch=&order=desc&=

http://www.corcoran.com/property/pr...5&Ld6=203854&Ld7=188470&Ld8=167875&Ld9=210223

Or if you say 1.5 M:

http://www.elliman.com/listings.asp...ECP319162&I=ECP295883&strAdSrch=&order=desc&=
(No one can convince me that this is a "half" decent apartment, if I ever live in a place like that with you-know-who, I don't think there is anything else I can ever ask for in this life time.)

That's even if we do get another year like 99/00. I look at apartment listings everyday and I bookmarked the two that I feel like are the "best bang for the buck" (No not the 1 million ones). Looking at them right before the opening bell, along with the picture of you-know-who really helps me to get focused.

 

hitman,
i'm cracking up here and have to add my 2 cents. you've got a lot to learn. a 1000 sq ft dive could be a castle for the average single guy - as long as it has big screen TV, cold fridge stocked with brew, kick ass stereo and I guess high speed internet access. what's missing from the equation is what your woman wants. enjoy making the decisions while you can....

(of course my wife is an exception )

 

Hitman,

=) very nice apartments.. how has the Sept 11 affected the prices? i heard that alot of companies are relocating in other places and dont plan to return.. i assume their employees would want to relocate too.. anyway..

-qwik

 

Hitman: all good apartments you posted. Particularly, for a 23 year old you will be a killer if you get any of these places. God, when I was 28 I was living on the couch in somebody's 10 x 10 apartment.

I guess that's why I got eager when I had the chance. In 1998 I bought a 4500 sq. ft space with some outdoor space in it. It was right next to the WTC and I remember saying to the real estate agent, "but what if the WTC blows up?" and her wise response was, "you can't live your life that way." Oh well.

I like the fact that you look at the apartments before trading. That hones the focus.