Correspondent's Dinner Digs

On Obama

“Remember when the country rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one.” – Kimmel.

“What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.” – Obama.

“I have not seen ‘The Hunger Games.’ Not enough class warfare.” – Obama.

“This is how you know the country’s in bad shape. The president is starving. North Korea is sending him food aid.” – Kimmel on Obama’s weight.

“There’s a term for President Obama. Not two terms.” – Kimmel.

On Romney

“We both have degrees from Harvard. I have one, he has two. What a snob.” – Obama, referring to presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney.

“It’s nice to be here in the nice, vast Hilton ballroom. Or as Mitt Romney would call it, a fixer-upper.” – Obama.

“He was so incensed that he asked if he could get some time on the Merv Griffin show.” – Obama on Romney’s response to his appearance with Jimmy Fallon.

On Republicans

“I guess it wasn’t Rick’s year. Rick’s year is 1954.” – Kimmel, referring to candidate Rick Santorum.

“It’s great to see the Gingriches here. I guess that means the check cleared.” – Kimmel on candidate Newt Gingrich and his wife.

“The reason he [House Speaker John Boehner] smokes so many cigarettes is because his tears keep putting them out.” – Kimmel.

On Democrats

“Uggie [the dog] is amazing. He can roll over on command. He’s a Democrat.” – Kimmel.

“We used to march. Now we Occupy.” – Kimmel on America’s weight problem.

“Three Hillaries? That sounds like President Clinton’s worst nightmare.” – Kimmel on Press Secretary Jay Carney knowing multiple Hilary Rosens.

On the Media

“I’d like everyone to look under their seats. Under each you’ll find a copy of Keith Olbermann’s resume.” – Kimmel.

“What’s black and white and read all over? Nothing anymore.” – Kimmel.

“There’s no one linking to as much hard-hitting journalism as you’re linking to.” – Obama addressing Arianna Huffington.

On celebrities

“If you’re looking for the biggest threat to America, it’s right there -- Kim Kardashian.” – Kimmel.

“Everything that is wrong with America is here in this room.” – Kimmel, after listing off the politicians, members of the media and celebrities in attendance.

“Jimmy got his start on "The Man Show." In Washington that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.” – Obama

http://www.latimes.com/news/politic...ndents-dinner-20120428,0,4320517.story?page=2

 

Here are a few more from Kimmel:

To Obama: “I know you won’t be able to laugh at my jokes about the Secret Service, so cover your ears, if that’s physically possible.”

“If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, ‘The president’s name is Barack Obama?’”

“Democrats would like you to stick to your guns. And if you don’t have any guns, you can ask Eric Holder to get some for you.”

“It’s great to see the Gingriches here, because that means the check cleared.”

“I’d like everyone to look under their seats. You’ll find a copy of Keith Olbermann’s resume” and “I didn’t know Current TV existed, because I don’t get Channel 1,000,000.”