If we knew what was going to happen to us either good or bad, it would take the adventure out of life. I had a little taste of how you are feeling yesterday. I was testing a system and fiddling with it for the last week or two and it was fantastic. Yesterday I realized that in my code I was accessing the closing value of a bar before it happened and using it to make decisions. Whan I fixed that bug I went from future riches to future yech..... It scared me and it humbled me. It was a good thing to just sit there and feel like I was nothing, it is somewhat true for all of us anyhow. I was thankful for the experience. I got back into the strategy today, probably can fix it up to work well, not too worried about money anyhow. I fight depression every winter, I never win really but this year I reduced it a lot with changes in diet [less coffee, lots of supplements]. Work at taking more charge of your health if you like, supplements can be amazing, of course it is up to you to do your due diligence, there is snake oil and there is fabulous stuff.
I read in a very good book that those times where you feel most down in the dirt financially are the best times to give money to those in true need . Not easy to do by any means, but there is strong reward to be had by doing so. RoughTrader
<i>"I was diagnosed with Kidney cancer 6 months ago, which thankfully i caught fairly early, but its been stressful, i have a 16 month baby and one on the way."</i> Dear <b>Melbury</b>, I almost didn't add to the prior posts, because most of the good advice you could be given already has been. But I do know a lot about depression, anxiety and coping skills. My family has a long history of depression. I've endured depression for long as I can recall... early childhood, in fact. Along with that comes fear, anxiety, control issues, etc. All very negative emotions to trade from. One thing I learned is that chronic depression is not something that is cured... but merely controlled. Those of us so afflicted learn to live with our condition, no different than someone who is diabetic, cancer remission, etc. * I'm presuming your current bout of depression is based upon life changes... perhaps you feel overwhelmed. If I were you, I would! Good gosh, two toddlers soon, serious health challenge, different paths of money issues = loss. That's enough in itself to feel overwhelmed and out of control. The good news is, you can beat depression easier than cancer. It is highly treatable... and the "cure" lies within your own mind. Do seek competent professional help, which can be a challenge. The wrong therapy can be worse than no treatment at all. I learned to focus on what I have (instead of have not), what my strengths are, what I consider inner core values as a person, and for me the strong belief in a Higher Power (God) were all critical in depression control. In other words, the better I felt about myself, the better I felt period. You have a lot of blessings in your life. Sounds like a burgeoning family, enough money on hand to avoid worry for quite some time and proven skills to earn more with it in the future. If we made a list of all you truly had to be grateful for, I'm quite sure it would fill a notebook or three. * You lost -15% in a drawdown, outside of your method of trading. Extraneous conditions caused you to "tilt". That is not reflective of what you are capable of when well rested and centered ahead in the future. There is no valid reason for you to worry about your trading performance going forward... once you are centered & grounded again. <b>Reardon Metal</b> has written a lot about dealing with depression and its tentacles in previous threads here. From what I see in his writing, $RM is blessed with above-average intelligence. Many people who battle with depression are, many famous & brilliant people in history have likewise been. Depression is an affliction (temporary or otherwise) that you absolutely can control. The very next step in life for you is putting this condition in remission. Once you accomplish that, please resume course for what brought you from $1mil to peak equity high. The steps are retraceable, we're absolutely sure you will do just fine. Best Life Wishes
Lord Melbury, You really have $2 Million in assets or just a few briefcases full of bricks? That was one of my favorite episodes. Seriously, good luck dealing with your drawdown and illness. I sympathize with the depression. Trying to get exercise usually helps me somewhat with the ol black dog.
austinp: very wise seeming words.... trading is tough - and its easy to take adverse market movements personally. it not only takes your money away, but makes it easy to reflect on how 'bad you are' at trading ... in the end, besides discretion for entry and exit, all you can really control is money management and risk .... the rest is foiled upon you.
if it makes you feel better: 1. I am married and have a kid 2. I had 18% DD recently (the same absolute level) 3. it took me almost 6 month to get "it" back - after critically evaluating things I misjudged or just f*cked up. So of course it can be done but important disclosure! 1. I never trade with all my assets and I have a certain portion ring-fenced so my family can always "eat" 2. I do not let P&L events to drive my asset alocation and size. 3. I do trade small after both larger losses and larger gains 4. I do love trading Good Luck!
Cope with depression by reading up on the subject and visiting a good psychiatrist. However, it sounds like your problem is not so much depression as it is having a major drawdown. It's not like you were trading ok, and then got a mental illness which caused you to lose money. Rather, you fucked up at your job and now you feel upset about it. It sounds like if you just get back on track with work, your symptoms should cure themselves. Review what you did wrong, devise a plan for making sure that nothing like it ever happens again, then implement that plan with 100% consistency and rigor. Not only will that stop it happening again, it will probably have beneficial knock-on effects on the rest of your trading too.
You need to step back and take stock. You may in fact have things around the wrong way. It may not be the losses that caused your depression, but rather you were already depressed without really realising it and you continued to trade in that depressed state and incurred losses as a result.
I wish i could thank everyone individually for some great advice, kindness and laughs (bricks in briefcase episode lol). xx