Here's mine... I think I am going to run naked on the beach on Thursday, during the winter storm, so the hypothermia kills me to get away from all the silly. This way they can mark it as a COVID death. But I will die free!
Sorry, ON: Funeral Costs: How Much Does an Average Funeral Cost? September 13, 2020 Funeral and Cremation FAQ's Many times you'll hear people say that the average funeral costs around $6,000. However, that estimate is based on a price survey taken several years ago. Funeral prices, like everything else, have increased with inflation. Today, the average North American traditional funeral costs between $7,000 and $10,000. This price range includes the services at the funeral home, burial in a cemetery, and the installation of a headstone. While cremation is gaining in popularity, the traditional funeral is still the most popular manner for disposing of the deceased. Here is a reasonable "ballpark" estimate of the main funeral costs. It's important to notes that funeral prices vary considerably between funeral homes and geographic areas of the country, fee for the funeral director's services: $1,500 cost for a casket: $2,300 embalming: $500 cost for using the funeral home for the actual funeral service: $500 cost of a grave site: $1,000 cost to dig the grave: $600 cost of a grave liner or outer burial container: $1,000 cost of a headstone: $1,500 In this example, total costs would approximate $9,000....and that's just for the "main" items. There could be additional charges for things like placing the obituary in the newspaper and buying flowers.
I meant, I will die a free person. As for "funeral" costs? I already have it settled with my friends/family. Fuck all that expensive mumbo-jumbo on the funeral BS. Get me in a boat, laden my body with weights, and bury me at sea. I think the permit is like 100 bux or something. (And if the permit office is closed, F 'em! Do it anyway!)
Pretending to live in San Francisco (which I don't): COVID-19 Mortality Risk Calculation Based on the information you have provided, the tool estimates that you have 0.52 (95% CI: 0.48 - 0.56 ) times the risk of dying from COVID-19 compared to the average risk for the US population. Based on the estimated risk, you are categorized to be at Closer to or lower than average risk based on the follwing chart: Fold-Risk Risk Category Color Code <= 1.2 Close to or lower than average <=== I'm in this category > 1.2 to <= 2 Moderately elevated > 2 to <= 5 Substantially elevated > 5 to <= 10 High > 10 Very High Further, based on the information available from pandemic projections in your state of residence, the tool estimates an absolute rate of mortality of 3.8 (95% CI: 2.9 - 4.9 ) per 100000 individuals in subgroups of the population with a similar risk profile to yours during the period of 12/12/2020 - 01/01/2021. This estimate is calculated based on the CDC's Ensemble mortality forecast data.. *95% CI: Error bounds with 95% confidence.
I probably have a greater risk of dying from a car accident on the way to get the vaccine, so I plan to skip it
The problem with that mode of thinking is that you can be an asymptomatic carrier. A Typhoid Mary. Look her up. THAT is the reason we need people to get vaccinated. ALL of us. Listen to the loons, they are speaking to our common sense!
I'll buy the flowers and Calhoun can run a post here in the ET Announcements section for the obituary. Pretty sure I even have some old Star Trek DVD's in storage we can bury with him. You'll go out in style ON. EDIT: