If I told you guys how I used to trade and how much money I've lost doing it you would ban me from the forum. Seriously.
Spent the first half of my 20's barricaded in the math library and figuring out why stuff broke on the trading floor. All the while I could've been a transient going from Cali to Colorado to BC to Alaska skiing. One thing about time and by extension youth is that you really can't get it back. I checked all the boxes and now I kinda wish I had the balls not to. I should be thankful because I've benefited from a lot of luck and the generosity of others along the way, but the question "why am I doing this" remains a tough one for me to answer.
For whatever you did, TRUST ME there would be people here who's done worse however you define "worse". We won't push you if you really don't want to tell, but really you've got nothing to worry about.
It was 2009, maybe around Aug. Amazon was a rather modest stock back then. One day, in one day, it went from $90 to about $130, on no news I knew about. I shorted the shxt out of it using close to expiration options. I double, tripled, whatever. Amazon never looked back. I just kept going up. I lost about $100,000 in less than 2 weeks.. Took me a day or two to recover. But now when I see I have a position down about $10,000, it is all chump change.