Do you have a mechanical system whereby your computer can signal you as to when the stop has been hit? If so, then I suggest you get the heck out of the way when the trade is in progress, and wait for the computer to signal. This may sound simplistic, but since I share your problem, this has helped me immensly. If you simply can't watch a trade underway without getting emotionally involved - and I can't - then just don't watch the trade. Period.
Thanks for turning a new phrase for me to use here jem. Well it's been two days since I posted my confession about "pulling a neiderhoffer" and it has made a huge difference in my trading. I haven't pulled any stops and more importantly, I haven't had the urge. Sure a market which goes up for three days and being long helps, but I have had my stops hit a few times and it hurt like hell. But I was a man about it (a TRADER about it) and I just went on to the next set up. So in two days I almost made back my losses for the year minus -144. I had a few winning forex trades but I figured that tonight wasn't a good time to test my luck with the asian sessions. Especially since there is a war ultimatum on the cards. Sure hope George Bush has a stop loss in!!! Hoping to report again in a few days how keeping my stops in place helped me break that emotional threshold of making "more money than I feel I deserve" or however my subconscious inferiority complex seems to sabotage my success! I'm prepared to face this demon even if he comes tomorrow. I'm not going to pull any stops tomorrow!!!! I kind of feel like an alcoholic "Just for Today I'm not going to pull any stops." "Keep coming back, it works if ya work it!"
WRITE your stop down on paper....SAY your stop out loud prior to entry....Shock the living S@#! outta yourself everytime you let it go. Make sure you leave no room for interpretation of where your stop is located, be it based on an exact price or something else. Knowing the most You are willing to lose on a given trade isn't good enough without being more specific. I think of it as a custom, maximum stop loss exit PLAN. It's very interesting that something so simple can be made so difficult but then again......
You mentioned in your opening lament that if you were better capitalized you would have weathered 'this little short-covering rally'. Excuse me... 796 to 830 ?? I call B.S. on you. If you were better capitalized, you just would have let 10 ES, or 100, or 1,000 ES go 34 points in your face instead of 1 ES. Your problem is that you are right and the market is wrong. You can't take a monster hit every three or four months and stay alive in this business. And that is a fact. If you think any different, close your account right now and stop pursuing trading as a career. If you had honored your stop, look at how much more money you would have in your account. Sorry to be so hard, but I'm calling a spade a spade.
I've done this a couple of times myself (for my two biggest single losses ever, I should add), and after a bit of self-questioning, I decided I was doing it because a few times, without thinking too much about it, I had slid my stops out of the way and ended up being rewarded by a move back up to my target eventually. So this dumb mistake was being encouraged to continue by a series of "successes," which lulled me into forgetting that stops are there for a reason. Of course, in general our rules are NOT in place just when we feel like it -- they're supposed to be in place to protect us from our own irrationality based on fear, greed, or whatever. Haven't done it again since I realized WHY I was doing it..
its real simple- either honor your stops, or lose a disproportinate amount to the gains you make from normal trades. if you blow a stop and become stubborn, it is very easy to turn a trade that costs 500 into one that can cost 5000 as you add size and convince yourself that you are right- trust me. My worst trade ever cost me -9000 on 4500 shares and after that, i studied it and my problem areas, vowing never to be a jackass and blow a stop like that again- it took me almost 2 weeks in this crappy market to make it back. never again, i said, and I am very vigilant on my stops now. drawdowns like that are unacceptable and i hated trading from a losing position knowing how badly i fucked up and how much i had to make back. i did it, but it wasn't fun and taught me a lesson. anyways, the market does what it does, sometimes for strange reasons- as a trader you react to what it does, read the tape, make a decision. if you are concerned about being right all the time over making money and exercising the discipline of your system, you're fucked and might as well start flipping burgers at McD's. if you can remove emotion from your game, then you can act instinctively within the confines of your system and be consistently profitable. i know many traders who were good scalpers but would have a day where they gave back a month or more of profits becuase they: were tired, hungover, mad, had outside events influence them, were being stubborn, were pissed off, whatever........ and then they proceeded to blow their stops as they blamed their losing trading on these influences. thats bullshit. look in the mirror- you and you alone are responsible for your actions in this business. you know what your rules are, what your system says you should do- you know that when you follow your system it has a positive expectancy and will produce consistent returns- why should it be that hard to follow it? what separates winning from losing traders is the ability to execute their systems without emotion, taking a loss when it hurts but they have to. if you get emotional in trading, it WILL cloud your judgement and will affect your reaction speed and money is made and lost very quickly. so, ask yourself- would i rather be right or make money????
Sooner than I expected. I have made back all my losses from blowing my stop just a week and half ago. I have traded my butt off. This highly volatile market is printing money, IF YOU USE STOPS Thanks again to everyone for the great suggestions. I feel somehow obligated to talk about my stops whenever talking about trading now.