You sound like a dope fien. Sell the farm to get into rehab and go to Gamblers Anon. Seriously, if you are being honest with this post, this is what you did, this is what you felt like, you have a serious problem. You should not be trading. Its crack for you. Crack Kills. If you can't do this you should give your wife the opportunity to leave you. You do not have the right to throw her life away along with your own.