A parody...

Discussion in 'Politics' started by gastropod, Oct 31, 2012.

  1. In a sad sign of the times residents of communities hit hardest by hurricane Sandy may face another daunting storm of another kind. It seems that the ecological effect of Sandy hasn't past the eye of the EPA.

    Residents of areas along the eastern coastline are being informed by the EPA that they have until Friday afternoon to return the sand on their property to the shore. The EPA is warning the residents of Seaside Heights, NJ that it is illegal to steal the sand from the nearby beach. EPA spokesman Arnie Gelding briefed reporters, "We at the EPA feel sorry for all residents of the affected communities. We as humans have the responsibility to protect the rights of the first inhabitants of our coastlines. US Code subchapter 63 gives the EPA broad leeway in protecting the rights of those whose lands we as humans encroached upon. We as humans caused the storm that destroyed the natural environs of many endangered species. We as humans are responsible for restoring those homes. Not returning the sand to the shore is destroying the homes of many who can't speak for themselves. We at the EPA feel we are being generous in allowing until Friday afternoon for the return of material for which many species use as building material." After Friday afternoon the EPA's amnesty ends and residents could face stiff fines for each day that the sand is not returned to the beaches.

    One resident named Steve (who desired his last name be withheld) was stunned, "I haven't even assessed the damages to my own home, but the EPA is demanding that I get the sand on my property back to the shore. This is ridiculous! My neighbor is a little old lady. How is she going to get the sand on her land back to the shore? What, is she going to pile it on her walker?" One local resident agreed with the EPA. Susan T. (last name withheld) commented, "We have a duty to protect our wildlife and leave a legacy to our children." Other residents wished to comment off record.

    (Copyright 2012 Gastropod Parody Service)
  2. http://io9.com/gastropod/

    Our New York City data center is still offline thanks to Hurricane Sandy.

  3. Classic site!