$800 to $350 million in only 2 weeks!

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Jim Kelvin, Mar 28, 2003.

    Wednesday March 19, 2003


    NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

    Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

    "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

    "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

    "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

    The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

    "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

    When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

    Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

    "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

    In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

    All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

    However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

    Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

    Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

  2. I mean, time travelling has not been completely excluded by physics, it's that it is still highly speculative and no-one has come up with practical ways of doing it. Theoretical ways involve objects that we still need to either find in the Universe or build in the lab. Doing so in the lab is impossible at this stage of the mankind's technology.

    But if time travelling is possible then future generations are making quite a bundle on us...
  3. that is a super cool post ! funny !!! you made my weekend !

    thanks !

  4. Toonces


  5. Actually, time travel has been accomplished before, albeit on a small scale. Ever hear about the experiments done by the military with jets and Uranium clocks?
  6. WE'RE ALL ALREADY TIME TRAVELERS!!!!! Yes, it's true, too! (just on small scales) :-/

    F. PeBBLe
  7. I see vhehn travelled back in time and reposted this thread yesterday!! :D

    Just kidding! sorry, I didn't know this was already posted! :cool:
  8. qdz3


    This is an Entertainment News.

    I want to be one of the closest friends of this individual so that I know how long this war would last.

  9. What do you mean? Can you give us some references to these experiments? The only experiments of this kind that I know about have only shown that time does slow down when you travel fast which is an effect predicted by standard relativistic physics and was already known to Einstein ca 1905 if not sooner. But that does not yet mean that you can go back in time. That would require moving with a speed greater than the speed of light if you were to do it in the simplest way. This is forbidden by the standard physics as we know it. There are some speculations of how to get around it. But that's more complex...

    Anyway, a good book about it is 'Faster than Light' by Nick Herbert. Probably seriously outdated as it was first published in 1989, but can serve as a good intro into this subject.
  10. Toonces


    #10     Mar 28, 2003