72 Virgins

Discussion in 'Politics & Religion' started by OPTIONAL777, Nov 25, 2002.

  1. Questions that demand answers:

    1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
    2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
    3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
    4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
    5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
    6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
    7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
    8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
    9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
    10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
    11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
    12) Is there an age of consent?
    13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
    14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
    15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
    16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
    17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
    18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
    19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
    20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
    21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
    22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
    23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
    24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
    25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
    26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
    27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
    28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
    29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
    30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
    31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
    32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
    33) If so, are there 72 available?
    34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
    35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
    36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
    37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
    38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
    39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
    40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
    41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
    42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
    43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
    44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
    45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
    46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
    47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
    48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
    49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
    50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
    51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
    52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
    53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
    54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
    55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
    56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
    57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
    58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
    59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
    60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
    61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
    62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
    63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
    64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
    65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
    66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
    67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
    68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
    69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
    70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
    71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
    72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?
     
  2. bobcathy1

    bobcathy1 Guest

    LMAO:D


    If one of the bombers has some leftover virgins, can we give them to Aphie?
     
  3. rs7

    rs7

    Middle East Mystery???

    Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
    commit suicide.

    Let's see now . . No beer, No booze, No bars, No television, No
    cheerleaders, No baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, No
    golf, No tailgate parties, No hooters, No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No
    burgers, No lobster, shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks. Rags for
    clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door
    because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the
    guy in the tower.
    No chocolate chip cookies, No Christmas.

    You can't shave, Your wife can't shave, You can't shower to wash off the
    smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. The women have to wear
    baggy dresses and veils at all times. Your bride is picked by someone
    else.

    She smells just like your donkey. But your donkey has a better
    disposition.

    Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

    No mystery here.
     
  4. bobcathy1

    bobcathy1 Guest

    LMAO:D
     
  5. Babak

    Babak

    rs,

    you're forgetting that Mohammad Atta was caught in security cameras entering and entertaining himself in bars, strip clubs, etc.
     
  6. rs7

    rs7

    That's right....I believe it was part of his "cover" to blend in. Seemed to have a fairly easy time making such a difficult adjustment that took him so far from his faith. What a guy!!!
     
  7. Should a thread committed to slamming an entire religion in such an obscene way really belong on these boards??

    If such a thread does belong here, then so would a thread poking fun of Jews... comments are welcome... so how about an "Anti-Semitic Jokes" thread, shall we start one on that topic? There must be no double-standards in what can and can not be posted, after all...

    Or will such a thread be killed cos it is anti-semitic? I will assume that this thread's continued existence means that it is alright to start a jokes thread on anti-semitism...

    [ P.S. Do not construe my comment in and of itself as anti-semitic... my last girlfriend was Jewish... :cool:]
     
  8. imo, this 72 virgins nonsense is as ridiculous as heaven. i say this because my mother likes to laugh at the 72 virgins concept, yet she likes to think heaven is real. i tell her it's just as foolish..
     
  9. ctrader

    ctrader

  10. stu

    stu

    to get just a faint sense of the disapointment these muslim terrorists are in for, try clicking on Virgin #72
     
    #10     Nov 28, 2002