>> SOCIALISM >> >> You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. >> COMMUNISM >> >> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. >> >> FASCISM >> >> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. >> >> NAZISM >> >> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. >> >> BUREAUCRATISM >> >> You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. >> >> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM >> >> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. >> >> SURREALISM >> You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. >> >> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. >> >> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM >> >> You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. >> >> >> >> THE ANDERSEN MODEL >> >> You have two cows. >> >> You shred them. >> >> A FRENCH CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you wan three cows. >> >> A JAPANESE CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. >> >> A GERMAN CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. >> >> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. >> >> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. >> >> A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. >> >> A CHINESE CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovin productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. >> >> AN INDIAN CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You worship them. >> A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. >> >> AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy. >> >> A CANADIAN CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. >> >> A NEWFOUNDLAND CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. >> >> AN IRISH CORPORATION >> >> You have two cows. You have a couple of pints of Guinness You can't remember where you parked the cows.
I remember there being lots of these here are some more. I'll google for the one on hedge funds which is really funny but not in this list. Leveraged Buyouts You have two cows. You come home from the fields one day to find Henry Kravis chatting to your spouse at the dining-room table. Two days later, you have no spouse, no farm, and no table. Two guys the size of sumo wrestlers have saddled up the cows and are riding them around the farmyard. Currency Market You have two cows. China has 1 trillion cows. Guess who sets the price of milk? Bond Market You have two cows. One is Brazilian, one is Australian. They yield 25 quarts of milk per day. That's half as much as three years ago, when you traded your less-lactiferous German and U.S. cows for them. You are thinking of swapping for a pair of Namibian cows. They only have three legs but, hey, they produce 26 quarts per day.
You have two cows. They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day. After a hefty donation to the re-election campaign of your local representative, the government gives you enough emission permits for six cows. You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas power station. Interest-Rate Swaps You have two cows. You pledge one of them to me as collateral in a swap for some of my pigs. I pledge the cow to my neighbor as collateral in a swap for some of his sheep. He pledges the cow to his cousin as collateral in a swap for some of his cousinâs goats. Better pray the livestock market doesnât crash and we have to try and round up that cow. Derivatives You have two cows. You repackage five of them into a Collateralized Lactating Obligation, pay for a AAA credit rating, slice the CLO into 10 pieces and sell it to investors, skimming the cream from the milk for yourself. Three of the cows fall ill, and the credit rating plummets. You get to keep the cream. Hedge Funds You have two cows. A guy in an open-necked shirt drives up in his Bentley and offers to take care of them for you in return for a year's supply of steak and 50 percent of their milk. They won't be allowed to leave his compound for two years. Six months later, you have half a cow, producing sour milk. ``You have to be willing to lose rump today to get rib-eye tomorrow,'' the hedge-fund guy mumbles through a mouthful of sirloin and champagne. Economics Assume two cows. Carbon-Emissions Trading You have two cows. They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day. After a hefty donation to the re-election campaign of your local representative, the government gives you enough emission permits for six cows. You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas power station. Microsoft Corp. You have one old, tired cow. A recent heart transplant may have come too late to save the beast. Google Inc. You have no cows. You slap advertisements on everyone else's cows. The milk floods in. You use the proceeds to reinvent the cow. Apple Inc. Nobody wants your cows. You design the cutest little milk bottle. Now, everybody wants your cows. Goldman Sachs Group Inc. You have 26,467 cows. They are strapped into the milking machines 24/7. Some of them have more hay than they could ever hope to eat. Others aspire to one day having more hay than they could ever hope to eat. The cows with the most hay end up with big government jobs. Pension-Fund Management You have two cows. How boring is that? You pay a month's supply of milk to a consultant, who advises you to sell one cow and buy two aardvarks instead. The aardvarks die. The consultant charges you four months of your (now reduced) milk supply and advises you to sell half of your remaining cow and buy a wombat. The wombat dies. The consultant charges eight months of milk for a copy of his new report, ``Two-Cow Strategies for Alleviating the Impending Pensions Crisis.'' Russian Energy You have two cows. Comrade, those cows are an environmental hazard. We suggest you hand one of them over to us.