Tomorrow I'll turn 45. I'll have a few drinks today and evaluate my life so far, then (re-)evaluate what follows next.
Who am I? Where do I come from? Where do I go to? I probably asked myself these questions the first time around the age of 5 when I discovered Santa (and God along the way) do not exist. The communist regime we lived in didn't forbid us to believe in them, God's Mercy, there were plenty of churches and money from the State going into them. What they did, in case you got the different idea, didn't prevent you from pursuing it. With the knowledge from Nietzsche of he who stares too long into the abyss.
So what do you do when like me, you find yourself a Natural Intelligence cursed with the gift of self-consciousness and the certitude of death? Maybe it depends on IQ level I dunno but in my 130+ bracket it's not "pray till death with a smile" but rather "smile till death makes you pray" So I devised myself a scheme to keep me mildly entertained while at the same time pursuing the impossible in such a relentless and unstoppable manner that the only contender is Death itself. On which I'll look with a grin unless She will look at me samewise.
Maybe it should REALLY depend on what you do AFTER you find yourself a "naturally intelligent" being with a gift of self-awareness and certitude of death? It doesn't depend on the totally made-up construct of IQ levels. For example, take this commercial from Geico... In that context, yes, a caveman would not appear to be a good therapist, because they are "not smart in that way". But reverse the roles. Now the therapist is back in time some 50,000 years or whatever, and the therapist's survival depends on the caveman's ability to hunt mastodons. The caveman knows how to hunt the beast to survive, but the therapist does not. So who is the smart one in THAT scenario? It sounds to me like you are where I am...At the crossroad of an existential crisis. You have given up on God, you have probed the depths of your mind (and dare I say soul), and have found yourself wanting for more than a simple on-off switch of existence. Well, I have been down (and am kind of still on) that road, and so far, all signs for me point to nothingness. Nothing before, and nothing after this existence. It's a tough road to be on, for sure. You're not the only one on that road.