News We Don't Have Time To Write About Socialists vow to fight against Critical Socialism Theory A more perfect Soviet Union: the Party pretends it unites us, and we pretend we are united Biden solves border crisis with free direct flights from Central America to major metropolitan areas Critical race theory: destroy the world of systemic racism, build a world of systemic race-baiting In the future everyone will get canceled for fifteen minutes Biden proposes bill to spend two trillion dollars on more money printing factories Social unity: They pretend to hold elections and we pretend we voted Donate to the People's CubeImmigrants to Texas and Florida from New York and California break down and cry when they realize all their sacrifices for a better tomorrow were based on lies China anal swabs detect new 'silent but deadly' transmission of covid-19 variant Social science breakthrough: 'White' is the new way of saying 'Bourgeois' Biden administration swat teams make sweeping arrests of underground female-only track meets 'Green energy' to be renamed 'blackout energy' for easier comprehension of climate complexities New children's game: Rock, Paper, Scissors, Science FACT: If you wish for true love, learn to love Obama. Get Random Obama for your site Texas: Biden administration sends emergency wind turbines to help fight the blackouts BREAKING: Biden signs executive order canceling the number 45 ATTENTION: It is your duty to report anyone who says this is no longer a free country. Fact-checking commissars are monitoring all state-approved social media platforms for your convenience OUT: If you don't vote, you can't complain! IN: If you didn't vote Democrat, you can't complain! Social media justice: followers removed from pro-Trump accounts will be added to Biden's Twitter account Fact check: a democratic election is the one in which votes are counted until Democrats win JUST IN: China bans Twitter for being too totalitarian Pelosi introduces new House rule to replace 'gender' terms like mother, daughter, father, son with the word 'comrade'; the only acceptable pronoun will also be 'comrade' 100% vote Sources: Biden transition team demands access to White House basement to begin renovations BREAKING: President Trump pardons America for its past Prime Minister Modi: to avoid accusations of racism India will change its name to Cleveland Biden creates Antifascist Librarian Justice Committee; the first book scheduled for burning is Fahrenheit 451 Rudy Sidney GothicMedia study: 148% of Americans believe voter fraud doesn't exist 2020 Election forecast: if Joe Biden emerges from the basement on Election Day and sees his shadow, expect four more years of Trump BREAKING: President Trump pardons Corn Pop Toobin, though on administrative leave, is still pulling for Biden KrakenChinese whistleblower: Biden-20 was genetically engineered in a Wuhan lab Nancy Pelosi sponsors a bill to create the office of removal of the President New college humanities major: Critical Trump Studies Opinion: Joe Biden is just an idea CNN: Biden took a solid second place in the debate, while Trump only came next to last Having ordered that all Californians switch to electric cars by 2035, Gov. Gavin Newsom follows up by mandating them to have electricity by 2035 Election 2020: Joe Biden pledges to a peaceful post-election transfer of power to George Soros Out: Flatten the curve. In: Flatten the country. Breaking: the Democrat Party has finished transitioning from being the party of JFK to being the party of Lee Harvey Oswald Paradigm shift in Chromatics: Study shows Indigo (#3F00FF) mixed with Jamaic (#C0FF01) yields Black (#000000) memeStudy: the trouble with wokeism is eventually you run out of victims Stacey Abrams refuses to concede to Harris; declares herself Biden's VP Election 2020: Spunky former presidential candidate wins VP slot by a head Churches in many states to hold services in opened up pubs and bars Election 2020: Xi Jinping still undecided on vice president for Joe Biden Biden rejoins the WHOReports: Republicans pounce on 'Republicans pounce' reports Minneapolis launches online looting app to combat Covid-19 DNC study finds lockdowns no longer necessary as the economy is now being destroyed more effectively by looters and rioters With America in lockdown, China offers to host Democrat primary Bernie Sanders tests negative for President In related news, Joe Biden follows other candidates in withdrawing from race and endorsing Joe Biden New York Governor Cuomo shuts down all 'non-essential' business, surprised to find himself out of a job AntifaBiden commits to picking a woman as running mate as long as she passes his sniff test Joe Biden's coronavirus prevention tips: always rub hand sanitizer on young girls before sniffing and fondling them Russian lawmakers warned that the American Democrats are meddling to re-elect Putin Joe Biden promises lucrative board member jobs as door prizes to get people to his rallies MinneapolisDemocrats now worried they might even lose the illegal alien vote Soleimani's remains FedExed back to Iran and now no one knows what happened to the box BREAKING: massive search underway in Iran after Soleimani's boxed FedEx'd remains stolen off front porch Liz Warren harshly critical of Biden's suggestion to coal miners that they should learn to code, offers to have them trained as romance novelists instead Poor MePelosi: "First we have to impeach Donald Trump before we can find out why we impeached him." Schiff calls his Amazon Alexa to testify: 'She knows absolutely everything' Iran answers to new Reagan statue in Berlin by erecting Obama statue at Tehran airport where he delivered pallets of cash California accepts award for most progressive environmental policies; further progressive developments to be announced as blackouts permit BREAKING: Romney DNA test reveals he is 1/1024th Republican CA BlackoutsCalifornia Governor Gavin Newsom blames electricity blackouts on Ukrainian kulaks, vows revenge Rat falling from White House ceiling fears for his life, begs reporters for protection, offers a tell-all memoir Latest UN climate report shows this month so far has seen the scariest climate pronouncements on record Climate science: there's no need for climate protests in China because China is already communist Whistleblower Schiff Islamic clerics split on whether Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib should be traveling around the world without an accompanying male relative Dem candidates call for the Beatles' song 'Get Back' and the 'White Album' to be banned; surviving two white guys of the group must pay reparations Bond's number is up: next 007 will be a black woman, played by Barack Obama NYT: moon landing was one small step for Man, one giant leap for White Male Supremacy HURRICANE WATCH: Tropical storm Barry has records sealed, once offshore expected to change name to Barack Trump politicizes the 4th of July, declares it henceforth to be called the 45th of July, or July the Trumpth Barack Obama critical of Trump for failing to insert 'I, me, my' into his 4th of July speech: "very unpresidential!" Congressional Democrats: John Dean's testimony proves Trump is Nixon in disguise and must be impeached Bernie Sanders admits to being a millionaire, promises to eat himself if nominated Taqiyya BelleInternational Women's Day observed, women only paid 73% of attention afforded to men Democrats: anti-Semitism means never having to say you're sorry AOC: aborting babies helps preserve the planet for the next generation Bernie Sanders launches presidential campaign, promises to "build a great big beautiful Iron Curtain" around America if elected Chiquita KhrushchevWest Virginia renames itself Eastern Kentucky to avoid further embarrassment from Virginia BREAKING: Justice Ginsburg released from hospital after breaking 3 ribs at late night bar brawl in Adams Morgan DNA news: Senator Warren tanking in latest totem polls Orwell studies: 84% of academics believe problems raised in 1984 can be fixed with solutions from Animal Farm Green New DealProgress in gender justice: online dating industry issues recommendations for men to wear body cameras, bring attorneys as chaperones Study: the only people who don't know what socialism is are the socialists Poll: 1 in 3 #FightFor15 activists believe movement is related to lowering the age of consent across America CNN expert: Kavanaugh confirmation will increase global warming by 3 degrees Harry Reid comes forth to say Judge Kavanaugh didn't pay any taxes in high school Hollywood to America: If you've got a flag on the Moon, you didn't plant that; some other country made that happen Protest march in straight jackets against Trump ends in chaos as participants try but fail to free themselves HEADLINES YOU WILL NEVER SEE: California Gov. Jerry Brown single-handedly stops wildfires in his state by issuing an immediate statewide ban on wildfires San Francisco closes all Planned Parenthood clinics after sting operation catches employees using plastic straws Vegan mother undergoes experimental surgery to force her breasts to produce almond milk With none of his emails answered, frustrated Nigerian man commits suicide and leaves $100bn fortune to charity California gives new meaning to strawman argument as caped Strawman battles supervillains in restaurants, bars, and fast food joints Violence increases in Mexico as cartels switch from smuggling drugs to plastic straws to San Francisco Obama proposes a Paris Economic Change agreement among nations to address how world will cope with future runaway economic warming Stormy Daniels plans border visit to give migrant children freebies San Francisco: man dumping off 20 lbs of human waste in plastic bag on street corner cited for using non-biodegradable plastic bag BREAKING: ICE renamed Planned Citizenship, immediately absolving it of all criticism Senate Democrats demand Supreme Court nominee not be unduly influenced by U.S. Constitution BREAKING: In 2018, Obama and Biden can finally celebrate Recovery Summer Situational Ethics Wheel of FortuneIG Report: the FBI broke the law, but since there was no criminal intent, no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case Pelosi on Trump's MS-13 "animals" comments: "Four legs good, two legs bad" Iran nuclear talks set to resume between the United States and John Kerry Report: The Mueller investigation has finally determined that the lyrics to Louie Louie are not about Trump and Russian collusion Starbucks ShelterMARKETS: Demand for carbon credits spikes as Hamas seeks to undo damage to Earth's atmosphere caused by burning 10,000 tires on Gaza border BREAKING: After state reassignment surgery Pennsylvania will henceforth be known as Transylvania Love-HateExperts: If we don't act now, unicorns will be extinct in just ten years. Children will ask, "Mommy, what's a unicorn?" Women and minorities will be forced to seek alternative hallucinations Korean war must continue: Hawaiian federal judge declares Trump's peace effort unconstitutional New York: feminists march on Broadway, demand the street be given new, non-misogynistic name Ban free zoneExperts: California's planned transition of all state jobs from citizens to illegal aliens by 2020 will help to avoid bankruptcy and save money for social programs for illegal aliens Putin: If I didn't want Hillary to be president she would be dead Doritos maker PepsiCo to introduce snack line for women; new Doritas™ chips will be 77% as big as Doritos and won't make any scary 'crunchy noises' TMZ: Tooth Fairy accused of sexually assaulting millions of children, outs self as Transgendered Tooth Recovery Specialist RUSSIA COLLUSION: Trump offers Putin to trade Rep. Maxine Waters for two unnamed members of the State Duma Ikea founder dead at 91; his coffin arrived in a box with confusing instructions and took 3 hours to assemble This Thanksgiving ex-president Obama continues with his tradition of apologizing to turkeys everywhere for the injustice they suffered since America's founding Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood SignOslo, Norway: 2017 Nobel Peace Prize goes to advocacy group about which you'll forget immediately after reading this headline Cambridge, MA, library to replace racist 'Cat in the Hat' with inclusive 'Che in a Beret' Millions of men worldwide eagerly await broadcast of Hugh Hefner's funeral, solely for the articles Bill Gates offers to pay for Trump's wall on condition he gets to install Windows Hillary: Mein KampaignBernie Sanders introduces single-payer public transportation bill to end America's unequal, unfair, and expensive private transportation system DNC embroiled in controversy after official Twitter account accidentally 'likes' pictures of US Constitution and Bill of Rights Hurricane Irma hits Cuba, causes millions of dollars worth of improvements to property and infrastructure Climate study: extreme weather may be caused by unlicensed witches casting wrong spells in well-meaning effort to destroy Trump Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for' BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more. DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies' Top 100 Humor Blogs ListAl Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same BOMBSHELL: TMZ offers Kathy Griffin $5 mil to keep any future sex tape private DEVELOPING: CNN, WaPo, NYT anonymous sources say Vladimir Putin may have ties to Russia BREAKING: Manning and Snowden have come out with strong condemnation of Donald Trump leaking classified information to Russia Gun store goes into lockdown over report an "active university professor" roving the grounds Dozens injured at Ralph Lauren & Louis Vuitton headquarters after Ivanka calls in missile strikes on rival fashion houses BOMBSHELL: Evidence proves Donald Trump conspired with his campaign to defeat Hillary Clinton University ranked "very intolerant of free speech" fights the accusation by banning the study and all involved Concerned that Russians don't consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia's Orthodox Church makes St. Patrick's Day official holiday Grassroots group calls for "The Million Regulators March" on Washington, supported by all who fear the loss of their betters telling them what to do Experts: Starbucks CEO Schultz's hiring of 10,000 Muslim refugees likely to blow up in his face Gadsden bear flagWill the groundprog be frightened by its own shadow and hide - or will there be another season of insane protests? Trump signs executive order making California and New York national monuments; residents have two days to vacate NOW mosqueWomen's March against fascism completed with 400,000 fewer deaths than anticipated Feminist historians uncover ghastly concentration camps where so-called "housewives" were forced to live inauthentic lives slaving away in kitchens Dictionary of the future: Global Warming was a popular computer simulation game, where the only way to win was not to play "Anti-fascist" groups violently protest misspelling of their original name, "aren't-we-fascists" ISIS FeministsPost-inauguration blues: millions of democrats distraught as the reality of having to find real jobs sets in "Journalism is the continuation of war by other means" is exposed as a fake quote by mainstream media journalists News we don't have time to write about Congressional Democrats: "We cannot just simply replace Obamacare with freedom because then millions of Americans will suddenly become free" https://thepeoplescube.com/