MEMO: Internal Use Only — Strictly Confidential Subject: On the Matter of Tariffs, Debt, and Certain... Stimulating Negotiation Techniques________________________________________ To Whom It May (or May Not) Concern, It has come to our attention that some of you still believe Mr. Trump’s tariffs are merely instruments of trade negotiation. While we appreciate such innocence in these trying times, let us gently—but firmly—clarify. This isn’t trade policy. This is fiscal kink. Restraints for the deficit. Discipline for the debt. And every time the market flinches? That’s just part of the performance art. Please note: The safe word is “balanced budget”, but no one’s uttered that in Washington since 1997. We encourage all employees to adjust expectations accordingly. And maybe light a candle for the bond market while you’re at it. Warmest regards, Office of Strategic Monetary Shenanigans
bla bla bla more vomit from mommy's basement... btw we all have tv's if we wanted to watch cnn we don't need you..
My favorite part of 2025's version of "Black Monday" was when the market rocketed off lows and closed green. When will Democrats stop believing the lies and conspiracies. They're so pathetic.
CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM To: All Relevant Stakeholders From: Office of Strategic Economic Policy Date: April 7, 2025 Subject: Strategic Deployment of Tariff Volatility as Fiscal Containment Mechanism Dear Esteemed Colleagues, Let’s cut the crap for a second. This whole tariff debacle isn’t about trade. Let’s not kid ourselves. They’re theater. Big, loud, messy theater. And guess what? The crowd’s eating it up. Every headline about trade wars, every market freakout, every soybean farmer crying on cable news—that’s music to our ears. You know why? 'Cause while everyone’s busy staring at the fire in the front window, nobody’s looking at the raging inferno in the back: our friggin' national debt. That’s the move. Classic misdirection. Vegas stuff. We’re not fixing trade. Hell no, we barely care about that shit. What we’re doing is buying time. Time we don’t have. Money we definitely don’t have. And attention we desperately need pointed anywhere but our fiscal dumpster fire. Think of tariffs like the world’s loudest smoke alarm... except we’re the ones lighting the kitchen on purpose. Now this only works if, ahem, everybody stays on script. That means no leaks, no loose talk, no midnight tweets, unless they’re approved chaos. The golden rule? Keep 'em chasing ghosts while we keep the lights on. The less they know, the longer we can keep this party going. So buckle up. The show’s just getting started, and we’re damn good at keeping the crowd guessing. And if anybody asks? Stick to the official script: We’re just being tough negotiators. Wink. Yours in strategic misdirection, Bartholomew Suckerpunch, Director, Office of Strategic Economic Policy
CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM To: The Usual Suspects (You Know Who You Are) From: The Office of Strategic Economic Mischief (a.k.a. The Folks Who Keep This Circus Running) Subject: Phase Two – Keep ‘Em Guessing Alright, listen up. Here’s the deal. We’re deep into Phase One of this operation, and things are going smoother than expected. The tariffs are still making the headlines, and the market’s jittery enough to think we’re actually doing something. Great. But now, we move on to the real heavy lifting. Phase Two is about keeping the pressure on while we stay ahead of the game. The minute we let up, they’ll start thinking they’ve got us figured out. And that’s a mistake we’re not gonna make. We need to keep the narrative fresh. Gotta keep ‘em on their toes. No one’s gonna question the big picture if they're busy chewing on the small stuff. So let’s throw out a couple more curveballs. More tariffs? Maybe. Some trade war threats? Definitely. It doesn’t matter as long as we keep that distraction shiny and new. We keep the focus off what’s really going down. Now, don’t get too comfy. We’re not gonna act like this is some long-term gig. We need to know when to pull the plug and switch gears. Remember, the endgame is never to be the guy who gets caught holding the bag. We keep this charade going long enough until they forget what they were even worried about. But we won’t overstay our welcome. We know how to make an exit without anyone even realizing it. And don’t think we’re blind to the debt situation. Yeah, it’s still there—like that friend who keeps showing up to your house uninvited. But the longer we can keep the heat on trade talks, the longer we can put off dealing with that inevitable meltdown. When the time comes, we’ll have a new angle. A new distraction. Maybe even a brand-new villain to point the finger at. The point is, we’ll be ready. But here’s the most important thing: control. The second they think we’re weak, they’ll go for the throat. So we keep the pressure on. Stay unpredictable. Like a shark in the water. Just keep circling. So here’s what I need from you all: Keep the focus on trade. The tariffs are working, but don’t forget the power of uncertainty. Stay flexible. If things get too quiet, make noise. If they get too loud, make ‘em wonder what we’re doing next. And most importantly, never show your hand. Let ‘em think they know what’s coming, but always keep one step ahead. We’ll win this thing not by fighting fair, but by making sure no one sees the real moves we’re making. And remember, the key is in the silence. Sincerely yours (well, not really), Morty Pennywise Director, Office of Strategic Economic Mischief
You missed that part about government leaking a "maybe" fake news that caused massive swings up and down in 45min.
Here's what will really sting... Even if Elon fires lots and lots more Feds and manages to somehow trim many hundreds of billions more - which is highly unlikely - the administration's best case is they will still have a $1T deficit this year. So pretty soon Trump will have to start saying that we have a $37T deficit instead of $36T.