Does this sound like any Republican candidates you know? https://www.washingtonpost.com/opin...-candidates-response-trump-indictment-satire/ First off, this prosecution is politically motivated, and I do not support it. You know what I do support, wholeheartedly? Donald Trump! Take this moment to distance myself from him? I would never. Our hearts beat as one. Or rather, his heart leads, and my heart follows. I admire him so much. Yes, I am running against him for president, but only in the most ploddingly literal sense. I see myself as running with him in a big field, and who can even say what kind of race it is? Maybe it’s not a competition at all! Maybe I am just here because I wanted to run with Donald Trump, because he is the most perfect, godlike being ever glimpsed on this Earth, and we are all blessed to live in the same era that he does! If he took any classified documents home with him, it is just because he loves souvenirs! And that’s not a crime! I mean, what he is accused of is, technically, a crime, but loving souvenirs, that’s not a crime! But if it even is a crime, it’s not the bad kind of crime! It’s the good kind, like Theranos, or embezzlement. Look, if you were not allowed to just take things home with you because they seemed neat and you wanted to show them off to your friends without facing any consequences, the British Museum would be completely empty. And people love the British Museum! I love Donald Trump and I would gladly give him one of my kidneys, and one of my wife’s, and also a bonus kidney that I would obtain through unclear means! He hung the moon and is holding the Earth on his shoulders as we speak. He cups the whole world in his large, capable hands. He is my rock. He is my sky. He is the wind at my back and beneath my wings, and he is my Wonderwall. Do I have anything negative to say as he is being indicted? For putting our national secrets and the lives of our intelligence personnel at risk? Yes, I do have some negative things to say — about those prosecuting him! Oh, about Donald Trump? Here, let us go behind a tree. Can anyone see us? Here, let us open this trap door and go down into this cellar. No, deeper; I still see some rays of daylight! Let us descend into this mine shaft. Put on this hard hat. Are we through the shale and into the slate yet? No? Let us drill down a little deeper. Can anyone hear us? Come closer, I will whisper it to you: He has perhaps, perhaps, been — controversial? Yes, yes, some people (inferior minds!) say that he is too controversial! Perhaps, they say, this controversy is a distraction from the issues. But I, I do not say it! I say, “I love Donald Trump!” Yes, let us return to the surface, and I will say it loud and strong! You will notice that I am saying it louder and better than anyone else! I love him more than words can wield the matter! Dearer than eyesight, space or liberty! You will put that in your podcast, won’t you? That I loved him the most? Donald Trump has never done anything wrong, ever, in his life, except possibly being too luminously perfect, and too right? So right that maybe, possibly, the American people’s eyes are growing weary of such brightness, and they might seek a less brilliant successor? No, I dare not say it. They are surely not tired of him. And I am the least tired of all! I’m glad he’s dominating the news cycle! I’m clapping and smiling! I love him and I love how things are going! Anyway, please vote for me instead of him as president! Thanks!
Trump could say IRAN has weapons of mass destruction, need to protect Israel. Think of the defense budget as paying rent to the landlord.