Tell the police or prosecuting attorney: "I promise to confess all my crimes over my entire life on the Trials of Satan television show with the only punishment a Physical Torture Cube." It will take some time, but attorneys and other professionals will lose respect and be forced to prosecute those who believe themselves to be above the law. You might be on TV if you do that. (I did so at the Florida State Attorney's office on Monday morning, September 12, 2016.)