Day #20 - Slept well, woke up feeling good and ready to trade. Of note, this getting ready for my business day prior to trading does really help take away some morning stress... and starts my day off in a much better frame of mind. (Keep doing this) Yesterday, I was reflecting on my stats from the previous combine and realized that I had done a lot of trading... and other than the last day of trying to make it back, if you took away the commissions I was barely losing ticks. Which then really hit home... Less trades and holding winners better = consistently profitable trading This would have been the reality of November, had I even held my winners for another 10 ticks.... or cut out a few losing trades. So I realized that this "experiment" has slowed me down a little bit and a few good things have come out of it. 1) This has forced me to hold onto winning trades 2) I have traded less, because I am more picky about my entries... good and bad, but I think for now this is a better thing. 3) I have become a bit more comfortable with being in a losing trade 4) I now have to rely on my stats a bit more... as in I need those winning trades to offset the losing trades. So today I put on a total of four trades. Three of them contributed ticks and one of them withdrew ticks. However, the third trade I was up over 10 ticks but stuck with my game plan and allowed myself to get stopped out... even though I really wanted to close it. Same with the first trade. The last trade made back almost all the losses. Of interest, I was very aware of my emotional makeup... I could feel myself get "charged up with emotional energy, and so I focused on breathing and I also got up and moved around. I heard recently that it takes some time for this to energy to dissipate, and allow someone to get back into the zone of impartiality... so I tried to stay aware of that and let some time go by before I got back into a trade. I actually started to see the market quite well and was about to get short... when my phone rings, and it is my son who has really hurt his elbow and needs to be picked up at school and driven to the hospital. Now, here is what crosses my mind, just throw an order in there where you would hope to be short... with a stop and a take profit... and leave it alone. Then head to get your son. Seriously considered that, I mean... hey, I have been here now for almost 40 minutes waiting for this setup... cmon, I deserve this! Anyhow, I quickly asked myself... what would a pro trader do? I stayed flat, shut down the platform, and left to get the boy... who after 2 hrs at the hospital was sent home with some ice and told to take it easy for a week. -54
Love following our journey. Good stuff. Don't you hate when they send you home with ICE!!! Step-son had a "concussion". After almost 2 to 3 hours...he's fine. Get some rest.
Thank you for posting your thread - I have benefitted from your sharing your personal experiences, as well as from the insights of those who have contributed-all wanting to see you succeed (myself as well) A lot of beneficial input has been shared. Since a lot of credible traders would suggest that the psychological aspects are the hurdles one needs to overcome as limiting beliefs- if one has a winning system.... The psyche stuff sounds pretty relevant. Your thread focuses on a lot of it as the reasons for taking such and such an action .....lock in early gains- limit early loss- And you have a trading coach- Is it about becoming a profitable trader? Is that the Goal? I don't have any trading advice per se- but I was struck by your seemingly recent situation- separation of a wife- while you have custody of your sons- and some lack of resolution of the relationship it seems.....Wife calling- alone.... I would think that such a situation - (Been There) would have an impact on my thinking, for a far longer period of time than I would like to acknowledge. It sounds like your situation is fairly recent- and unresolved. In the bigger picture - Why do we work the hours we do in our jobs- Or What do we hope to accomplish in our trading? Other than the outright financial gain- what is it's purpose? Why is it worth the effort? The sacrifice? Is it because we desire a bigger bank account? Or is it for a better quality of affluence for our Family that we want to improve? What is our ultimate goal that we are seeking? What does that monthly profit or loss represent in our actual lives? Is it our sole source of income? If we do not succeed, what is the outcome? What is the grander picture if we can be honest in our appraisal? What are the alternatives? What if this trading venture fails? What next? Is there a plan B? While it is easier to focus on executing such and such an entry - and exit- and find alternatives when they do not appear to work-.....How do we resolve that with something as substantial as interpersonal relationships and not have that affect us for an extended period? Are we failing to ask of ourselves the larger questions? What is it we really want for ourselves and to provide for those we care for/ These are some of the questions i have asked of myself over the last decade or so, as i can become consumed and distracted with my time and energies. And, Had i been successful and achieved the "financial reward" What would it have brought that i do not have already that counts? Good Luck in your Pursuit! I
Day #21 - Last night I had a session with my psych coach, and we discussed me working on pushing through the fear that was coming into my trading. So today, it was agreed that I would put on some trades that I felt fearful about, but they fit in my methodology. I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of risking some of the profit I have made in this combine, but at the same time I realized if I am going to improve myself then I need to work through this fear. Even though I am starting to feel myself becoming more confident, I don't want to operate in fear of the market. So I put on some trades, a total of 6 trades. Not one of them did I get profit on. Which in reviewing my stats from the previous combine, if I have 5 losing trades in a row, I would have been better to have just stopped trading rather than continue on and dig the hole deeper. The challenge today though, was holding those trades when I had profit... and a few times I would be up 10 ticks or more, but I still held the original stop loss and ended up stopped out. I did add to a winning trade though, on a retrace... which was the exact right thing to do, but that assumption didn't work out and I got stopped out on that too. However, of interest, I did put on a trade that I closed out manually based on the excuse of needing to drive my son to school... but, in reflection I realized I was heavily influenced by another trader's comment that this was a brave trade. Even though it fit really well will my methodology, and I took a little heat, it turned out to be an excellent trade. Came within 13 ticks of my final target, and that would have had me up over 50 ticks. Instead I closed it manually with a 7 tick contribution, and then it just kept going my way. So today I was down... and I felt that urge to fight, to fight to get it back... but I didn't do it stupidly, I actually stuck with my plan and put on trades in the right zones, and then gave them time to work... but man, it was hard to watch that profit disappear after being up. The great thing is this, I did fight through the fear and put some trades on. Most of them I stuck to my plan. I found myself needing to breath, and that helps a bit, but I am finding what really works much better is some type of exercise. Today I did some jumping jacks... swung my arms around... and that seems to dissipate the emotional energy. I think this "exercise" component might be a real good part to add to my trading plan as a tool to help return me to impartiality. I do feel disappointed about giving back so much combine profit today, but I am reminding myself that I am on a journey to become better... to become elite... and today was a lesson of staying in control of myself even when feeling that fear hit my chest. I am really pleased about that, because a few times I felt like I wanted to default to just throwing trades in and trying to scalp for some ticks... which would have completely violated my trading plan. Last combine, I did that at least twice... and both days were heavily losing days. Even now I still hear that little voice saying, "just throw a trade on and try to get 10 ticks" But I am learning to ignore that, and stay in control... this is a very good thing. -715
Excellent article on fear... convenient how the information appears when you need it. http://www.fastcompany.com/3039128/theconnection-between-fear-and-career-regret
When the student ready - a mentor will appear Real meaning; When the student ready (receptive) - he/ she will finally hear..., and begin the process of understanding - what the hell was there all along (and what the experienced were saying all along) Seldom is there anything new under the sun - just how one views it / becomes receptive to it - evolves Just a thought RN
@sowterdad thanks for sharing. Appreciate affirmation that someone else is getting some benefit from this journal besides me. You do raise some good questions... My reasons for having a trading psychology coach is because I believe relevant coaching is the fastest way to get to where I need to go. I know how to trade, I understand the markets, and I have traded successfully in the past... today though, I want to regain my confidence and trade Other People's Money (specifically TopStepTrader). With that next step comes some challenges and demons I need to be honest enough to face. That is what I have been detailing here. Why is it worth the effort? I love how each day I am challenged to become better. Each day I have to engage in peak performance if I want to be successful. The monetary side of it is great because of the freedom it gives you, but I really think a big part of this "love" is how trading challenges me to become a better person. I have become more mindful, more humble, more patient, more disciplined, and more comfortable of ambiguity. You can't just keep that in trading, as it spills over in all areas of your life. I don't know of another pursuit that can give you such exponential personal growth if you are willing to listen.
Day #22 - Woke up and went through my regular routine of prepping for the day. I set myself a goal that I wanted to break the $1000 barrier today, but only trading 1 lot and adding 1 more lot to the winners. I missed taking a very good trade, with a great setup because I was just too worried about taking a losing trade. I then waited, and waited... and then finally got filled on a trade which immediately went my direction... but the crazy thing is, rather than trail my stop which my rules called for... I immediately just covered it with 8 ticks gain. I then never got back in, and I had to endure the 80 tick sell off in my direction. Very frustrated! (Especially after it never even touched my entry again) Now here is where I feel like I am learning... I felt that frustration kick in shortly after closing the trade prematurely, and I stopped trading. I did 10 jumping jacks and 10 pushups. I could feel some of the frustration leave. I then paused trading for probably at least 15 minutes. I came back into the market, feeling more balanced, and I took another trade because it was the correct thing to do. This again was a good entry, and I was tempted to add to the position on a retrace, but just couldn't pull the trigger to do that. I am wondering if perhaps these "feelings" are coming from yesterday's trading? Anyhow, took some ticks out of that trade... manually closing it out. I realized that again I was breaking my rules. That this wasn't how I was supposed to be trading, and it didn't matter that I was putting ticks up on the board if I was trading incorrectly. At that point, I seriously considered stopping for the day. I was up about 15 ticks, and thought I should maybe stop. I then asked myself... "Are you stopping because you are fearful?" I realized I was... and worked on continuing to trade. Put another good trade on, and saw it go against me and almost stop me out... then it came all the way back down about to my entry and I closed it with a small contribution. Of course it continued past, and went my way... After that, I tried to put on some trades but I just couldn't seem to take the entries. Even though, two of them were just classic trade entries for me, and they would have worked. I think I just wasn't in the right frame of mind, or maybe I was being too cautious. In summary, this experiment week has been good for me. I have experienced taking trades when I didn't want to take them, and not adjusting trades when I really wanted to adjust them. I have sat there and watched my take profit get filled, when I was certain it wouldn't happen... and I have fought through some of the fear about taking trades and more importantly, holding trades. So after all of this, I wrap up the experiment basically at breakeven. ($49,992) Going to think through where I need to go from here, and have a chat with my psych coach this weekend... then be ready to go for next week. Feeling like I am definitely improving though. Going out on a date tonight with a very beautiful and smart woman, so that will be fun! +95